Canada Orders Beefeater Gin Off Shelves Amid E. Coli Scare

October 5, 2012
By

In a move of extraordinary caution amid a nationwide E. coli outbreak in meat products, Canada’s Agriculture Minister Gerry Ritz has ordered all bottles of Beefeater Gin to be removed from the shelves and stockrooms of all stores, effective immediately.

Facing a grilling from opposition and the public, Ritz, a known gin drinker, explained, “It’s just a precaution. Beefeater is 40% alcohol. Ah, yes. Smooth, dry, British gin. That leaves a 60% probability of E. Coli if [Finance Minister Jim] Flaherty’s math is correct.”

The embattled Tory has ordered an independent investigation saying he will “personally test each and every bottle of Beefeater for E. Coli if necessary,” adding (off the record), “I could use a drink right now. I could easily “slaughter” a couple Beefeaters by myself.” [Wink]

Ritz is urging all Canadians to send him any Beefeater bottles that may be in their homes.

Meantime, the UK’s Minister of Alcohol & Sport is lashing out at Canada for pulling his country’s award-winning drink from the shelves, saying, “Beefeater has never caused any sicknesses or deaths. Sure, it’s started a few punch-ups abroad, seein’ as it’s the official bevvy for Team England, but that’s to be expected, innit?”

The recent E. Coli outbreak further spoils Ritz’s tenure in office. The Saskatchewan Tory already had a 2008 listeriosis crisis on his résumé, making him the most “contaminated” cabinet minister in Canadian history.

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