Bill Gates Offers Donald Trump $5B for Proof He’s Not an Utter Asshole

October 24, 2012

Gates: “Keep your mouth open. I’ll be right over.”

SEATTLE, WA (TheBadgerCA) – Following Donald Trump’s $5M challenge, Microsoft’s co-founder Bill Gates has countered with another offer.  Today, Donald Trump offered $5M to a charity of President Obama’s choice as long as Obama brought forward his passport and college records.  Today, a counter offer was offered by Bill Gates, offering real estate magnate Trump a hefty $5B to bring forward proof that Trump is not an “utter and complete asshole”.

Said Mr. Gates in a press conference today, “I’d like to see Mr. Trump come forward with irrefutable proof that he is not a complete cockspank.  He tried his hand at running for president and failed.  He’s had his time in the sun and is now burned so badly he literally looks like George Hamilton.  Seriously, if he didn’t buy his way into the media, how else could you explain the fact this dickface is still popping up on one of the 43 TVs I have in my house?”

Mr. Gates then turned directly to the cameras as if to address Mr. Trump himself.

“Seriously, here’s five billion dollars, a mere two billion shy of what you say you are currently worth now, and just shut the fuck up.  Know why I know my money’s safe?  Firstly, I don’t give a shit about the money.  I’m worth sixty-one billion dollars.  That’s more than 12 ‘you’s.  I would actually like to fund your candidacy so that I could lobby putting your face on the hundred dollar bill so I could wipe my ass on it every day.  Secondly, there’s no way that you can prove that you’re not an asshole.  It’s hard cold fact.  It’d be easier for you to find a picture of Jesus punching a gay guy than prove to the world you can’t open your mouth without more shit dropping out of it than a Tea Party rally after a Hooters wing-night.  Seriously.  Bitch.”

Mr. Trump has yet to comment.

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