The Hague Issues Warrant for Gary Glitter

October 29, 2012

Sex offender and glam rocker indicted for fashion crimes against humanity during Savile sex probe


LONDON (TheBadgerCA) – Convicted sex offender and glam rocker Gary Glitter has found himself in deep trouble again.

When authorities picked up the “Leader of the Gang” on suspicion of sex offences in relation to Britain’s Jimmy Savile sex abuse probe they were shocked by what they found.

A mountain of evidence was discovered in Glitter’s walk-in closet, much of it in violation of the 1990′s Milan Convention on Fashion, often considered the Geneva Convention of Style.

“We found a bunch of tacky silvery space suits, camp sequined glittery blouses, and platform boots with heels, like, eight inches thick. A lot of this clothing has actually been deemed embarrassingly illegal since the start of 1980s,” said Scotland Yard’s lead investigator.

The Hague’s International Criminal Court immediately issued a warrant for the geriatric glam rocker and convicted diddler, citing “serious sartorial offences,” which is ICC speak for fashion crimes against humanity.

The fashion crimes against humanity charges against Glitter include:

  • Assassination of taste and sartorial decency
  • Trendsetting indignities amounting to torture
  • Mass garbicide, gross indecencies to fabrics

Those who remember the 1970s are calling for the death penalty.

Those expected to testify for the prosecution include: David Bowie’s former tailor, Buzz Aldron, and Naomi Campbell.

Gary Glitter, née Paul Francis Gadd, helped popularize the glam rock genre, a music and fashion sensibility that combined outrageous androgynous outfits with thumping repetitive beats and lowbrow lyrics.

In 2010, Glitter was awarded a ‘Pedo,’ a Lifetime Achievement Award for diddling, Thailand’s most post prestigious honour for child molesters.



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