Monthly Archives: November 2012

City of Toronto Fires Civil Servant Caught Dodging Work for Three Months

November 30, 2012
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City of Toronto Fires Civil Servant Caught Dodging Work for Three Months

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Information was released today from Toronto City Hall that, in accordance with the mayor’s mandate to balance the city’s budget and create efficiencies within the city’s departments, the city today fired a civil servant who was proved delinquent in his duties. Upon investigation, the worker whose name is being kept confidential…

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Local Man Buys the Wrong Goddamn Brand of Paper Towel

November 29, 2012
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Local Man Buys the Wrong Goddamn Brand of Paper Towel

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – David Ketchum, 38, returned to his Leeside home from what seemed a usual grocery trip at a local Sobey’s to discover to his horror that he bought the wrong goddamn brand of paper towel.  The incident was brought to his attention by his wife Lydia Driscoll-Ketchum who greeted him at the…

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News Photos: The Grey Cup Parade

November 28, 2012
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News Photos: The Grey Cup Parade

Grey Cup parades bring out two kinds of people to watch them: true football fans and the unemployed who don’t have jobs to go to and can kill time.  This year, we got a two-for-one.

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Ford Blames ‘Left-Wing Politics’ for His Inability to Comprehend Rules of His Job

November 27, 2012
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Ford Blames ‘Left-Wing Politics’ for His Inability to Comprehend Rules of His Job

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Following the news that he was being removed from office, former Toronto mayor Rob Ford lashed out to the media citing reasons for his ousting.  Ford, having been found guilty in a conflict of interest trial, told the assembled media today that he blames “left wing politicking” and “witch-hunting” for the…

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Donald Trump Offers $5000 for Name of “Piece of Shit” Glazier

November 22, 2012
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Donald Trump Offers $5000 for Name of “Piece of Shit” Glazier

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Amid his investors filing a multi-million dollar lawsuit against him, Donald Trump today lashed out to the community in a press conference early today.  Citing several windows that fell from his Toronto Trump Tower property, Trump screamed at the gathered press stating, “I’m offering $5000 to anyone that can provide the…

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MLB Sends Pitching Scouts to Gaza

November 20, 2012
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MLB Sends Pitching Scouts to Gaza

In anticipation of an Israeli ground incursion into Gaza, some of Major League Baseball’s franchise owners have announced they have sent their top scouts to the region to look for the next great pitching talent. “Have you seen some of these Palestinian kids hurl rocks at Israeli tanks? They’ve got unbelievable arms. I clocked one…

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Gay Float Organizers Blame ‘Totally Getting the Date Wrong’ for Santa Claus Parade Entry

November 19, 2012
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Gay Float Organizers Blame ‘Totally Getting the Date Wrong’ for Santa Claus Parade Entry

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – David Connor, organizer of the solo gay float in this year’s Santa Claus parade blames his lack of organization and “totally getting the date wrong” for the stir that was caused during this year’s parade. “So, it looks like I was a few weeks off.  Months actually, but dates have never…

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Brunch Conversation Normally Derailed by ‘New Baby’ Topic Now Monopolized by ‘New Cat’ Talk

November 19, 2012
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Brunch Conversation Normally Derailed by ‘New Baby’ Topic Now Monopolized by ‘New Cat’ Talk

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Daniel Lett and Laura Simkin were left shocked at their local brunch spot where they normally control the morning conversation with talk about their 10-month old daughter Emilia.  Lett and Simkin, who brunch regularly with their friends Kyle and Ayako Dermott, came armed with conversation topics regarding Emilia’s interaction with new…

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Guy Working Out in Five-Finger Shoes and Wool Cap Brings Much Needed Awesomeness to Local Gym

November 16, 2012
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TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Members of the Liberty Village location of GoodLife Fitness today noted that until Josh Malcolm showed up for his twice-weekly workout, their gym felt very drab and awful.  Upon Josh’s arrival, things at the gym dramatically improved. Malcolm, 27, strode into the main gym from the change room in plaid Bermuda…

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Disney to Produce New “’Please Sign This Release’ Elmo’”

November 13, 2012
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BURBANK, CA (TheBadgerCA) – The Disney Corporation announced today that they would be adding to their Muppets toy line with the new “Please Sign This Release” Elmo doll.  The doll, due out at the end of November in time for Christmas, is said to provide the same enjoyment for children that previous Elmo dolls has…

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