In anticipation of an Israeli ground incursion into Gaza, some of Major League Baseball’s franchise owners have announced they have sent their top scouts to the region to look for the next great pitching talent.
“Have you seen some of these Palestinian kids hurl rocks at Israeli tanks? They’ve got unbelievable arms. I clocked one twelve-year-old at 84 mph,” says Buck Trammel, a pitching scout with the Oakland Athletics.
“An Israeli invasion could help us discover the next five Roger Clemenses – not that I’m suggesting any of these boys are on steroids,” adds Trammel.
Many young males in Gaza are hoping a ground war with Israel will give them an opportunity to prove they’ve got what it takes to make it in the majors.
“Every time I throw a rock at an Israeli soldier I imagine it’s the bottom of the ninth, bases loaded with a full count. Just me against their all-star slugger,” says Bassam Dawar, a Gaza City native and prospect of the Chicago Cubs.
“The only thing I want more than an independent Palestinian homeland is a shot at winning the World Series and a Cy Young award,” says Fadil Fareed, a New York Yankees fanatic and Hamas sympathizer.
While most scouts are focusing their efforts on the Spanish-speaking world, a new wave of pitching strategists are setting up training camps in war-torn regions where disgruntled young men throw rocks at opposition targets day in, day out.
“You harness that raw hatred and angst and then teach discipline, accuracy and endurance,” says Toronto Blue Jays’ assistant pitching coach Vince Woodward, who is hoping this conflict will help him strengthen his bullpen with a few decent relievers.
In related news, India and England have also announced they are sending their cricket envoys to monitor the situation in Gaza.