Monthly Archives: December 2012

Local Family Continues Tradition of Christmas Ending in Dinner, Tears

December 25, 2012
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Local Family Continues Tradition of Christmas Ending in Dinner, Tears

LONDON, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Traditions run long and deep in the Cunningham family, and no other time of year brings the traditions out of this London, Ontario family than Christmas.  With an extended family numbering close to 20, the family descends on Dan and Ella Cunningham’s family home for the yearly tradition of Christmas dinner…

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Local Christmas Shopper Pretty Sure the Cocksucker That Stole his Parking Spot the Same Dickface Taking Forever at the Cash Register

December 24, 2012
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Local Christmas Shopper Pretty Sure the Cocksucker That Stole his Parking Spot the Same Dickface Taking Forever at the Cash Register

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Mike Lewis, 34, attempted to finish off his Christmas shopping today at a local mall when he was met with an antagonist who would at least twice shape his day in a manner he was not expecting.  The initial contact, Lewis explains, saw the stranger take a parking space that by…

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North Korea Announces “Christmas Surprise” for Southern Neighbour

December 23, 2012
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North Korea Announces “Christmas Surprise” for Southern Neighbour

SEOUL (@TheBadgerCA) – North Korean madman and pudgy dictator Kim Jong-Un summoned the citizens of Pyongyang to make his yearly yuletide announcement. With an ominous nod and a wink, he told an obedient crowd of millions that he planned to personally deliver a “special Christmas surprise” to South Korea. “That won’t be Rudolph’s red nose rocketing…

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Local Christmas Shopper Busy Convincing Himself Girlfriend Will Want Season One of ‘Battlestar Galactica’

December 21, 2012
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Local Christmas Shopper Busy Convincing Himself Girlfriend Will Want Season One of ‘Battlestar Galactica’

CALGARY, AB (TheBadgerCA) – As time ticked away for Christmas shoppers, Dan Legaro, 37, stood motionless in front of a shelf of Blu-Rays today at a local Best Buy trying desperately to convince himself that his girlfriend would enjoy his purchase of Season One of the remake of “Battlestar Galactica”. In a desperate play to…

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Local Mayan Not Looking Forward to the Office Today

December 21, 2012
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Local Mayan Not Looking Forward to the Office Today

VANCOUVER, BC (TheBadgerCA) – With the Mayan prophecy now proved to be inaccurate, the immediate future is not so rosy for some.  Arlo Nuñez, 33, a project manager at the Entrix IT consulting firm is not looking forward to his arrival at the office today.  It was accidentally revealed at last year’s office Christmas party…

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Boy Playing Sheep in Christmas Pageant Wasn’t Even Trying

December 20, 2012
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Boy Playing Sheep in Christmas Pageant Wasn’t Even Trying

EAST YORK, ON (TheBadgerCA) – A near perfect evening of theatre was on display Monday night at St. Etienne Elementary as Sister Adani’s First Grade class took the stage to perform the annual nativity for parents and friends alike in the cramped elementary school auditorium. Every stackable chair was filled for this event, starring Taylor…

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Summoned Ghost of Charlton Heston Warns NRA to ‘Get Ready to Eat a Plate of Shit Tomorrow’

December 20, 2012
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Summoned Ghost of Charlton Heston Warns NRA to ‘Get Ready to Eat a Plate of Shit Tomorrow’

WASHINGTON, DC (TheBadgerCA) – As the world waits for the first formal statement from the National Rifle Association since the massacre in Newtown, CT that claimed the lives of 26 people, 20 of whom were children, NRA spokesmen have turned to the occult in hopes of conveying both sympathy and strength in purpose regarding gun…

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Santa Announces Syria Sanctions

December 20, 2012
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Santa Announces Syria Sanctions

OSLO (@TheBadgerCA) – In a break from his jolly holiday tradition, Santa Claus is adding his voice to the growing number of calls for an end to violence in Syria by announcing an unprecedented boycott. “The Assad regime and opposition rebels have been so, so naughty this year that Santa has been given no other…

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Starbucks Introduces $7 Cup of Coffee Due to Inability to Place Its Penis in Your Face

December 5, 2012
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Starbucks Introduces $7 Cup of Coffee Due to Inability to Place Its Penis in Your Face

SEATTLE, WA (TheBadgerCA) – This week Starbucks introduced its new coffee Geisha, a rare Costa Rican coffee that costs $40 per half-pound.  To the consumer, this will translate to approximately $7.00 for a 16-ounce cup. Ken Meier, Vice-President of Global Marketing for Starbucks explained the company’s desire and direction to bring forward the expensive coffee…

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World Overjoyed by Pope’s First Tweet

December 4, 2012
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World Overjoyed by Pope’s First Tweet

VATICAN CITY (TheBadgerCA) – Followers around the world anxiously awaiting the first tweet from the new Twitter user Pope Benedict XVI finally had their waiting pay off today as the Pope took to the internet and released his first tweet. Cardinal Jorge Estévez was at the Pope’s side witnessing this historic event. “His Holiness had…

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