Santa Announces Syria Sanctions

December 20, 2012

North Pole puts pressure on Assad regime to end bloodshed

OSLO (@TheBadgerCA) – In a break from his jolly holiday tradition, Santa Claus is adding his voice to the growing number of calls for an end to violence in Syria by announcing an unprecedented boycott.

“The Assad regime and opposition rebels have been so, so naughty this year that Santa has been given no other alternative but to impose the strictest sanctions imaginable against the entire Syrian population,” declared Santa’s CEO (Chief Elf Officer), reading from a prepared statement at a press conference in the North Pole.

“The North Pole must, therefore, suspend all gift-giving missions into Syria, effective immediately – in the hopes it will further encourage the people of Syrian to end the bloodshed.”

The shocking news sent the toy prices skyrocketing in Damascus.

Santa’s CEO added that the surplus of toys will be given to the children of Greece, the country hardest-hit by the Eurozone’s deepening economic crisis.

Once word of Santa’s sanctions spread, Syrian kids – “from one to 92” – stormed into the streets, risking death, to unleash a fresh tide of dissent. They cried, screamed and chanted, “Down with the dictator! Off with his head!”

North Pole puts pressure on Assad regime

“These are some of the most serious sanctions yet,” says Ebenezer Scrooge IV, a noted Christmas Economist. “The Arab League has not been able to influence the Assad regime.  Nor has the UN. But if anyone can make a difference in this civil strife, well, to quote a famous phrase: ?Must be Santa, must be Santa, must be Santa – Santa Claus ?’”


Assad could not believe his ears upon news of Santa’s boycott

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