TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Mike Lewis, 34, attempted to finish off his Christmas shopping today at a local mall when he was met with an antagonist who would at least twice shape his day in a manner he was not expecting. The initial contact, Lewis explains, saw the stranger take a parking space that by rules of etiquette would have belonged to Lewis.
“This guy is pulling out of his spot, and the place is mobbed, remember, it’s taken me twenty minutes to get this goddamn far, and this guy is pulling out towards me. I’ve been sitting there, got the signal light on, and this cocksucker swoops in from the other side in his SUV and takes the fucking spot. The fucking asshole could see me and he just takes it. I’m rolling down the window yelling at this asshole and he just walks into the mall. Fucking cock.”
After spending another full ten minutes securing a parking space, Lewis entered the mall to find a La Senza lingerie store in order to purchase some specific undergarments for his wife.
“So, I’m in the La Senza, whatever, and I’m buying underwear and I just want to get out. I fucking hate that fucking store because you’d think it’s sexy in there, but it’s not. It’s just young hotties three years older than my daughter trying to get you to buy panties. Can’t stand it. It’s bordering on statutory rape. So, I get the stuff I’m told to get, and I’m standing in line, and I’m pretty sure up ahead is the dickface from the parking lot. The jacket looks the same I think, and he’s taking forever buying 14 different gift cards, each with a fucking different amount, and they’ve only got one cash going and this guy is hogging the whole fucking thing. Fuck it. The wife can get this shit on her birthday. I’m getting the fuck out of here.”
Lewis at this point has yet to confirm the identity of the man at the cash register as the original parking spot thief.