Monthly Archives: February 2013

Toronto Mayor Cannot Decide Which Democratic Rule to Break Next

February 27, 2013
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Toronto Mayor Cannot Decide Which Democratic Rule to Break Next

TORONTO, ON (TheBadger.CA) – Toronto Mayor Office aides stated today that Rob Ford, having just been exonerated for election finance violations, does not know which well established rule of democracy to infringe next. The mayor, currently on holiday at Disney World in Florida, is hoping the time away with his family will allow him to…

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Freezing Homeless Man Without Shelter Still Happy He Voted For Rob Ford

February 21, 2013
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Freezing Homeless Man Without Shelter Still Happy He Voted For Rob Ford

TORONTO, ON (TheBadger.CA) – Huddled for warmth atop a subway vent on a cold Toronto winter, hungry from not having eaten all day, feeling the sting of frostbite, you would think that this would dampen the spirits of many.  Not for Carl Bingham, age unknown, a former tool and die worker who has been out…

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Hacked Burger King Twitter Account Announces New ‘Penis Fries’

February 18, 2013
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Hacked Burger King Twitter Account Announces New ‘Penis Fries’

MIAMA, FL (TheBadger.CA) – Thousands of followers of the official @BurgerKing Twitter account that was hacked today were elated to discover that the hamburger franchise would be introducing a new menu item. The new dish, called “Penis Fries”, is described to be like the regular fries served by Burger King but cut into a phallus…

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EXCLUSIVE: Pope Benedict XVI’s Bucket Lists Revealed

February 12, 2013
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EXCLUSIVE: Pope Benedict XVI’s Bucket Lists Revealed

Vatican City – (@TheBadgerCA) The Badger has obtained exclusive copies of two bucket lists belonging outgoing Pope Benedict XVI. The pope’s new butler has been up to the same kind of snooping as his predecessor and snapped off a couple photos, one showing what Joseph Ratzinger hopes to do before finishing his post in the…

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Toronto Braces for ‘The Big Storm’, Mocking from Rest of Country

February 8, 2013
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Toronto Braces for ‘The Big Storm’, Mocking from Rest of Country

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Toronto is currently in the middle of a snowstorm with blowing snow that has hampered driving visibility, closed schools and delayed or cancelled flights.  Streets remain unplowed and workers will be continuing well into the weekend to get all thoroughfares cleared of snow.  Many citizens have shovelled their walks two to…

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Regardless of Vote, Boy Scouts to Remain Dutiful, Fabulous

February 6, 2013
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Regardless of Vote, Boy Scouts to Remain Dutiful, Fabulous

IRVING, TX (TheBadgerCA) – A spokesman for the Boy Scouts of America today announced that the traditions of the Boy Scouting movement would remain, regardless of the ban on openly homosexual scout leaders.  Murray Duffield, Public Relations Manager for the Boy Scouts stated the organization would remain “as loyal, dutiful and fabulous as ever before.”…

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Confused Westboro Baptist Church Members Picket Toronto Raptors for Signing Gay

February 1, 2013
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Confused Westboro Baptist Church Members Picket Toronto Raptors for Signing Gay

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – With the announcement of the Toronto Raptors finalizing the deal that would bring Rudy Gay to the squad, controversy in Toronto abounded with the move.  To acquire Gay, Toronto traded point guard Jose Calderon, power forward Ed Davis, a second round draft pick as well as cash to the Memphis Grizzles…

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Flat Response Forces Blackberry 10 to Be Pitched on “Dragons’ Den”

February 1, 2013
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Flat Response Forces Blackberry 10 to Be Pitched on “Dragons’ Den”

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