IRVING, TX (TheBadgerCA) – A spokesman for the Boy Scouts of America today announced that the traditions of the Boy Scouting movement would remain, regardless of the ban on openly homosexual scout leaders. Murray Duffield, Public Relations Manager for the Boy Scouts stated the organization would remain “as loyal, dutiful and fabulous as ever before.”
Said Duffield, “Regardless of this pesky little vote, it won’t matter what happens. We’re going to keep being fabulous. It’s for the children, and you’re just a big old meanie if you don’t see it that way. That’s it. The ban on gays won’t affect anything around here. The uniforms will remain, as always, fabulous. The khaki shirt reminiscent of the he-men defending us in Desert Storm, staying. The wonderful brown cap with the little badges the kids collect at camp, staying. The olive shorts, staying. I was just saying to my roommate Todd the other night over a glass of Merlot, ‘It doesn’t matter what happens, whether we let gays in or not, the kids will be the same, our directives will remain the same, and their darling little uniforms will be the same.
“We will continue to ensure that we provide teachings of nature survival, honor to the country and flag, and ensure that every single one of our charges is able to sew on their own decorative flair badges that they win. Seamstressing is an important skill. Trust me, I watch enough ‘Project Runway’ on Bravo to know, sister.”