EXCLUSIVE: Pope Benedict XVI’s Bucket Lists Revealed

February 12, 2013

Life begins at retirement

Vatican City – (@TheBadgerCA) The Badger has obtained exclusive copies of two bucket lists belonging outgoing Pope Benedict XVI.

The pope’s new butler has been up to the same kind of snooping as his predecessor and snapped off a couple photos, one showing what Joseph Ratzinger hopes to do before finishing his post in the Vatican and the other revealing what the ageing holy man wants to do before he dies.

Here they are:

One of the pope’s bucket lists – photo by papal butler

Bucket List #1
Things To Do Before I Finish Papal Tenure
1. Bungee jump from papal balcony
2. Skinny dip in St. Peter’s Fountain
3. Pope-a-Palooza
4. Pimp the popemobile — see how fast it really goes
5. Get everyone to sing ‘Hey Jude’ at Sunday mass

Joseph Ratzinger’s other bucket list – photo by papal butler

Bucket List #2
Things To Do Before I Die
1. Rome No Pants Subway Ride
2. Finish reading the Bible
3. Virgin Mary tatoo [sic] on bicep
4. Play practical joke on Dalai Lama
5. Punch Julian Assange in the face
6. Mancave!!!
7. Zumba class
8. Hot tub with Heff at the Mansion
9. Go to Graceland
Long considered ‘that boring evil pope,’ these bucket lists suggest Benedict may not actually be as humourless as everyone says.
Pope Benedict XVI, a.k.a. Joseph Ratzinger, a.k.a. ‘Nazi Joe’, has served as pontiff since his more likeable predecessor died in 2005. Ratzinger will be remembered for harbouring pedophiles within the ranks of the Catholic Church and allowing them to continue working with impunity. Benedict is expected to hold office until February 28th, 2013 unless he dies before then.

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