Monthly Archives: March 2013

Local Gay Male Not Big on Gay Marriage Anymore Following Call to Parents

March 28, 2013
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Local Gay Male Not Big on Gay Marriage Anymore Following Call to Parents

ATLANTA, GA (TheBadgerCA) – Kyle Farther is a 34 year old gay male that works as an assistant manager at a local Wells Fargo bank. He and his partner Benjamin Tooley share a well appointed apartment in Virginia Highlands. The couple used to attend rallies and hand out flyers in support of constitutional change allowing…

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Neighbour Confirms Justin Bieber Punches Like a Girl

March 27, 2013
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Neighbour Confirms Justin Bieber Punches Like a Girl

LOS ANGELES, CA (TheBadgerCA) – Following an early morning police call, the Sherrif’s Department confirms that, following a statement Justin Bieber’s neighbour, Bieber, idol of teenage girls around the globe, hits like a girl. Louis Keene, 27, who lives beside the Canadian hunk of pre-teen eye meat, called 911 in the small hours of the…

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Toronto Mayor’s Wife Renata Ford Quietly Bakes Cookies

March 26, 2013
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TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – On the face of it, it appears to be a normal day in the Ford house. As allegations abound regarding Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s alleged ejection from the Garrison Ball fundraising gala, Renata Ford, wife of the mayor, sits quietly in her well-appointed kitchen in her Etobicoke home as the aromas…

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Racist Toronto Zoo Grizzly Bears Worried of Pandas’ Impact on Habitat Resale Values

March 25, 2013
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Racist Toronto Zoo Grizzly Bears Worried of Pandas’ Impact on Habitat Resale Values

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Most Toronto residents are looking forward to the arrival of two panda bears, Da Mao and Er Shun that will soon be making their home at the Toronto Zoo. The bears even received a ceremonial welcome from Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, bidding them a fond reception. Most Toronto residents are…

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Target Staff Still Can’t Get ‘Zellers Smell’ Out of Store

March 20, 2013
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Target Staff Still Can’t Get ‘Zellers Smell’ Out of Store

MILTON, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Just over two weeks after the pilot Target store opened in Milton, Ontario and shopping has continued unabated over the course. The US retail chain bought up storefronts owned previously by Zellers and put up shop across Canada. However, not all is rosy for the chain, especially smell-wise. Many customers still…

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Catholics Worldwide Utter ‘Who The Hell Is That?’ for the Second Time in Eight Years

March 13, 2013
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Catholics Worldwide Utter ‘Who The Hell Is That?’ for the Second Time in Eight Years

VATICAN CITY (TheBadgerCA) – For the second time since 2005 when it all happened before, Roman Catholics crowded St. Peter’s Square and huddled around TVs as the white smoke billowed from the Vatican indicating the collection of Cardinals in the Conclave had finally settled on a new Pope. As Argentinean Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio stepped…

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Steadfast Jehovah’s Witnesses Aren’t Announcing a New Stinking Anything

March 12, 2013
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Steadfast Jehovah’s Witnesses Aren’t Announcing a New Stinking Anything

BROOKLYN, NY (TheBadgerCA) – With the quest for a new leader of the Catholic Church in full swing and all eyes on The Vatican as a new Pope is being selected, other mainstream religions are feeling the neglect of attention and appear to be ignored. David Splane, member of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses…

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Vatican Swag: A Look Inside the Papal Conclave Gift Bag

March 12, 2013
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Vatican Swag: A Look Inside the Papal Conclave Gift Bag

‘Pontiff Idol’ is officially underway in Vatican. The College of Cardinals has begun the process of picking a new leader of the perverse Catholic Church, the biggest cult in the world. Only one cardinal will finish the papal conclave wearing the big pointy hat of honour. But that doesn’t mean the losing clergymen will go…

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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s Next Outreach Project to Focus on Community, Breasts

March 8, 2013
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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s Next Outreach Project to Focus on Community, Breasts

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Following Mayor Rob Ford’s latest outreach project to the electorate which had the mayor showing that he was behind the people, sources close to the Toronto mayor have said the one-on-one sessions have been a complete success.  Anne Tobler, an aide to Ford sounded positive. “The personal sessions of outreach have…

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DAY 1: ‘Pontiff Idol’ Preliminaries

March 4, 2013
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DAY 1: ‘Pontiff Idol’ Preliminaries

VATICAN CITY (@TheBadger) – Over 100 Catholic cardinals are meeting in the Vatican to decide when the College of Cardinals will select a successor to Pope Benedict XVI, who stepped down as head of the hypocritical institution last week. On the first day of the pre-conclave session, the red-capped male virgins were unable to choose…

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