Catholics Worldwide Utter ‘Who The Hell Is That?’ for the Second Time in Eight Years

March 13, 2013

VATICAN CITY (TheBadgerCA) – For the second time since 2005 when it all happened before, Roman Catholics crowded St. Peter’s Square and huddled around TVs as the white smoke billowed from the Vatican indicating the collection of Cardinals in the Conclave had finally settled on a new Pope.

“Well, you know what? I haven’t heard of you, either.”

As Argentinean Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio stepped onto the terrace to address the masses gathered before him, and to be introduced as Pope Francis I, the collective throng yelled shouts of “Who the Hell is that?” and “I’ve never even heard of this asshole!” Yelled also at TV sets and in the crowd were rumblings of “He’s probably better than the last guy”, “He hates the gays, too, right?” and “He got any charges against him in Argentina?”

A proud moment for Pope Francis I, as he addressed the masses stating, “I look forward to the coming days to provide a physical face to the Holy Church of Our Lord and to make sure you get my name straight. It’s ‘Hor-hay’, not ‘Jor-gay’ or whatever that lady from CNN was saying.”

An introduction tour will be planned in the coming days.

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