Neighbour Confirms Justin Bieber Punches Like a Girl

March 27, 2013

LOS ANGELES, CA (TheBadgerCA) – Following an early morning police call, the Sherrif’s Department confirms that, following a statement Justin Bieber’s neighbour, Bieber, idol of teenage girls around the globe, hits like a girl. Louis Keene, 27, who lives beside the Canadian hunk of pre-teen eye meat, called 911 in the small hours of the morning when a ruckus broke out next door at the Bieber residence.

It may be packed, but it’s not technically a “punch”.

Keene left his home to ask Bieber to quiet down as the time neared 3:30am. Bieber refused, his doe-like eyes angrily glistening in the soft moonlight. In his statement, Keene stated he repeatedly knocked on the sensitive man’s door until the babe magnet came to the door. When Keene’s requests were refused by the supple sensation, a skirmish ensued, with Bieber wrapping his tender arms around Keene, hoping to cuddle him o so gently to the ground.  Keene pushed back and the teen superstar railed back and clenched his delicate fist and swung at Keene with all his might. In that moment, Keene realized that Bieber punched “like a prissy, little girl who just had her Fluttershy My Little Pony”. Bieber’s arm shot downward, barely moving the air between him and Keene.

Bieber returned to his home, slammed the door, ran to his bedroom, stared at himself in the mirror, slapped himself in the face repeatedly and screamed “You’re a little bitch, aren’t you? You’re just a little bitch!”

Bieber is set to record a new music video on Friday.

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