Doug Ford Eyes Provincial Position Having Run Out of People to Bully in Toronto

April 3, 2013

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Toronto councilor and brother to the mayor Doug Ford announced today that were an election called today, he would run for the provincial Conservative leadership. The Ford brothers, no strangers to controversy but very distant from political process, have made their mark on the Ontario capital and Ford feels he has what it takes to succeed at the provincial level.

Doug Ford: “Now you’re going to get a goddamn subway!”

“I’m out of lightweights to push around! (Councilor Adam) Vaughan is a pussy, Bobby (Rob Ford the mayor) has pretty much all the lefty unions tied up, this city’s a friggin’ cake walk! I’d love to get a fresh batch of arseholes that I can push around at the provincial level.

“I hear it’s not just Toronto, so there’s probably immigrants and the odd fairy that I can make fun of at the provincial level. You want to see funding happen for the subways? Hang on to your goddamn hats, North Bay, you’ll be footing that bill, you’re damn sure. Got a problem with it? Try and stop me, pussies!”

Ford has also planned his exit from city politics to the bigger stage.  Said Ford, “It’s not like I do anything here. Bobby and I do a radio show every week for crissakes. Maybe we can get a TV show now, that’ll be sweet. Like SunTV or something.”

When asked how he felt he’d fare in a battle of Ontario, Ford remained confident. “You kidding? I have to beat a couple of skirts! One’s a lezbo [sic] so this things a cake walk! I’ll win this thing and won’t even have to change my morning commute. I’m looking forward to repainting that office. I bet it’s pink.”

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