NEW YORK, NY (TheBadgerCA) – Sources close to pundit Ann Coulter stated today that the political commentator flew into a fury today when it was announced that the two men suspected to be the organizers and instigators of the bombing at the Boston marathon earlier this week were in fact Caucasian.
“Can someone get me a goddamned map, please.”
Tamerlan Tsarnaev, 26 was shot dead earlier today, but his brother Dzhokar Tsarnaev, 19, is still at large and believed armed, dangerous, and white. Upon hearing the news that the suspects were not members of any visible minority, Coulter flew into a rage aimed at her writing team.
“Really? White? What am I going to do with that? I need these guys to be Muslim, or brown or something. And you give me “white”? Have you seen my goddamn skin color? This is useless. Utterly useless. If I don’t have a brown, or black person to hang this shit on, I’m done. Couldn’t even be Asian? You couldn’t help me out there? No. They had to be white. Nice. Nice.”
Members of the Coulter team were immediately shut down when they attempted to explain to Coulter that perhaps a “Chechnya” angle could be used since the pair are believed to be immigrants from the former member of the Soviet Republic.
“Chechnya? Seriously? Where the hell is that? Point it to me on a map! Seriously, do it! Exactly. No one knows where the hell it is, and I sure as hell don’t. Russia, my ass. What is this, 1982? This day has turned to bullshit.”