Obama in Address to Nation, ‘I Cannot Catch a Fucking Break This Week’

April 19, 2013
By

“Thank Christ it’s Friday.”

WASHINGTON, DC (TheBadgerCA) – A bombing at the Boston marathon has culminated in a city-wide lockdown as police attempt to capture suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. If that were not bad enough, the Senate shut down any chance of having increased screening for gun purchases in the United States. All of these things came together for what amounted to a bad week for the Commander-In-Chief.

President Obama, in an address to the nation, took the podium at the stairs of the White House and stood, gathering his notes and thoughts.  Looking up at the gathered press, he cleared his throat and, with the weight of the previous week upon him, muttered into the collection of microphones, “Jesus Christ, I cannot catch a fucking break this week. This is one fucking nightmare of a week. When’s the weekend, am I right? Seriously, I should have just stayed in bed. Like all week. But I can’t because then the shit would really hit the fan, wouldn’t it? And if I call in sick, you all get up my ass about it. I’m telling you, I’m looking forward to beer-o’clock today.”

With that, he left the press conference.

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