TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Armed with a grin that sources are describing as “shit-eating”, local boob, verified liar, convicted possessor of drugs, impaired driver and violent drunk Rob Ford addressed a crowd of reporters to answer to allegations that he had smoked crack.
After showing the steel of his convictions and his ability to address his much respected constituents by hiding from the press for a week following the allegations, Ford decided not to let his brother Doug Ford speak for him this time. Stepping to the microphone amid the flashing of camera bulbs, Ford cleared his throat and roared forth with a lie that, in the words of several of the press members in attendance, was “a dilly”. Ford stated, contrary to the images that have flooded the media for more than a week, that he has never smoked crack. Rather than submit to a drug test to clear the entire affair, or come clean and admit he has a problem, Ford took the route of lying to the citizens of the Ontario capital.
Satisfied with this lie, Toronto citizens are expected to carry on as they have prior to this entire ordeal.
Press members are still wary and are awaiting the conference that will be gathered in the future, where Ford will state categorically that he had nothing to do with the suspicious death of a local drug dealer.