StatsCan Finds Now is a Horrible Time to be a Fat, Rich, White Male Politician

May 28, 2013

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Statistics Canada released figures today that in today’s current political environment, specifically May of 2013, is the worst time to be a “fat, rich, white male politician”. Martin Coulier, Director of Statistical Analysis for the Ministry, stated that based on some key elements of data, at no other time in Canada’s history has it been a bad time to be a fat, rich, white male politician.

Said Coulier, “We’ve taken a look at the rich history we have of politicians over the course of the past several years, and we’re going back as far as the creation of the Dominion of Canada. You look back at those prime ministers, those senators, all white, yes, but very few fat and no more entitled than the majority of people at the time. Now, skip forward to today.

“Our analysis shows that, leading up to…yesterday…at this point in history, all of history, this is a really bad, bad time to be a fat, rich, white male politician. Funny story, when we were in the lab going over these numbers, we graphed it. On one axis, we had the whiteness and the factors of “whiteness” as it relates to politicians specifically; “Entitlement”, “Rich and Opulent Foods”, “Potential Alcoholism”, “Never Worked a Hard Day in Their Lives”, that sort of thing. The other axis, we charted elements of “crisis”, things like “Finance Scandals”, “Usage of Narcotics”, “Racial Slurs in Public”, “Drunken and Disorderly Conduct”, “Sexual Harassment”, the list goes on and on. And as we charted it, one of my technicians pointed to two foci, two points on the graph and the cluster of points around these foci that developed, and she said, “See those blobs of points? Don’t they look like Duffy and Ford?” meaning Mike Duffy and Rob Ford respectively. But what’s really interesting is below these respective blobs, are other clusters, looking like Nigel Wright and Doug Ford respectively. It’s very interesting, and definitely displays a trend that being a fat, rich, white male politician is not a good thing in the current climate.”

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