NSA Isn’t Going Anywhere Near Brian’s Hard Drive

June 11, 2013
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Brian Cooper: “No way I’m touching that hard drive”

BUFFALO, NY (TheBadgerCA) – Following a recent report that the NSA has been tracing and tracking emails and other previously perceived private electronic property like text messages, picture downloads, video transfers and the like, it is suspected that there is a list of people who may be questioned regarding some of the content.

Representatives for the NSA revealed today in a statement that, despite the desires of his co-workers, they will not be going into the hard drive on the computer owned by Brian Cooper, one of the software developers for CitiBank.

Cooper’s co-workers state that he lives at home with his parents in an apartment in their basement and will often detail the amount of security he has around his home computer. As well, many of his cubicle neighbours at the office have noticed some of the calendars that he has adorning his workstation, detailing them to be “not real ‘Hooters’ calendars, but pretty close”.

The NSA’s unwillingness to pry into the contents of Cooper’s hard drive was confirmed at an after-work drink session that happened at a local pub this past Friday, where Mark Daulton, 34, Financial Advisor for CitiBank got to question an NSA agent. “We were all out, and Allison (Demarkus, Accountant) brought her boyfriend who was an NSA agent. Well, former, he was getting transferred to another office the next Monday. When I heard that he was an NSA agent, I said ‘You must have Brian (Cooper)’s computer on your list’ and he immediately went all weird and said ‘Brian Cooper? No way I’m going near that one. I’m out.’ Admittedly, we were all pretty drunk at that point.”

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