‘This is a Huge Blow to the Sanctity of Marriage’, Man on Third Marriage

June 26, 2013

“I know a thing or two about marriage. Trust me. Guys marrying guys ain’t it.”

RICHMOND, VA (TheBadgerCA) – With the Supreme Court’s ruling today that the controversial Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) act was in fact unconstitutional, response to the decision has been typically mixed.

Whereas many in the gay community have celebrated the response to gay unions, others mainly in conservative circles, have reacted in what many are describing as a “typical fashion”.

Richmond, Virginia resident Randall Huffs, 51, spoke out against the decision, stating that it tarnished the institution. “This is a huge blow to the sanctity of marriage. I’ve got a huge amount of respect for the rite of marriage and see it as a sacred bond between me, my wife, and God. Ask any of my previous wives and you’ll see how serious I am about it. Donna, my first wife was great, but she went bat-shit crazy so I’m not going to hang around for that. That’s when I met up with Sara. She was a bartender at Whiskey Jack’s that I talked to while I was working through the whole Donna thing. She knows more than most that I take my vows seriously, until the women get stupid.

“Donna was the one that really saw what it was to be married. It wasn’t until she started banging Julio the line cook at Jack’s that I found my real bride to be. My third wife Claire gets me and gets what marriage is supposed to be. She knows it’s important to me and has the goddamn dinner on the table when I get in from the Ford dealership I work at. She knows her place and doesn’t step out of line. These gays? They’re just making fun of the whole thing. It makes me sick how they just bend the rules of the whole marriage thing for their own uses. Trust me, I get marriage. Just look at my goddamn alimony payments.”

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