Alison Better Not Bring That Asshole Derek to the Cottage Again

June 28, 2013

Derek Kohl seen here on Victoria Day weekend 2013 with dog Merc.

ROSE LAKE, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Heading to a cottage on any weekend, let alone a long weekend, can be filled with tension. But sadly for a collection of cottagers in the Muskoka District, this Canada Day weekend brings with it the possibility of more tension other than those found on the highways.

Mark Brewer, a 29-year old landscaper in Etobicoke, has for years invited friends to his cottage that has been in his family for over seventy five years. It has always been his pleasure to host long weekends with his Toronto friends in return for food and drink. Everyone in the group gets along, except during the previous Victoria Day long weekend when Alison Meeks, a 26-year old web developer, brought Derek Kohl, a 31-year old unemployed former columnist, to the cottage.

The last time that Brewer dealt with Kohl was not a pleasant experience. Explains Brewer, “First of all, he eats, like all the time. There’s barely a moment that he’s not got his head in the damn fridge. And he pretty much steals beer or anything. I had a bottle of Crown Royal I was saving for the ‘May 2-4’ Saturday night? It had half-an-inch left in it. Pretty sure it was Derek that drunk [sic] it. We pretty much found him passed out the next morning on the couch with the dog. He’s an asshole. That and he smells.”

Other cottagers have also not had a good experience with Kohl. Said Brewer’s girlfriend Lara Tines, 27, “Derek’s just kind of arrogant. He got real snotty with us when we tried to play Euchre. He basically said it was hicks that played it. When we tried to find a game he would play, we tried Trivial Pursuit. But every question, whether he was answering it or not, he jumped in, blurting out stuff. Half of it was wrong. But then he’d go off on how he wrote about it once in the paper or whatever. He’s just…an asshole, really.”

Brewer and Tines still have yet to hear from Meeks as to whether Kohl will be joining them as “her phone died after they hit the highway”.

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