OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Defenders of truth-based television channel Sun News Network released a statement today that the fate of their station would have been completely reversed if “the dope smoking Left-wingers at the CRTC hadn’t slowpoked the decision after tripping over their Birkenstock sandals.
The network’s petition for a guaranteed spot on basic cable packages was denied today, denying Canadians direct access to such quality Sun News Network shows as The Right Time, Minority Watch, The Fightening, Shut Up, You Leftie Idiot, and Charles Adler. Now Canadians looking for this quality programming will have to pay extra as part of a premium cable package.
Glenn Capchuk, Director of Corporate Affairs at the network, explained why the petition was overturned. “We had the right response, we were going to get approved, but some 20-something dreadlocked stoner hippie at the CRTC tripped over his goddamn sandals and never delivered the petition in time or some shit like that. Now, because these idiots at the CRTC are too busy hiding immigrant terrorists in their spare bedrooms and spending their time lining up for abortions, we are out of direct touch with the right-thinking Canadian public. Because of their negligence we’re out in the cold. The sad part in all this? I bet the guy who screwed up was white. Isn’t that a kick in the pants.”
The Canadian public has shown its outrage in the tens of people. Marla Kohler in Edmonton, Alberta was outraged.
“I don’t know where I’m going to go for my news now. The CBC is real difficult [sic] to understand and I sure as hell ain’t [sic] going to pay for it. It’s my right. If they package it with the shopping channel? Maybe.”