Sept 17, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In a tearful statement today, the fatal disease Cancer revealed that it has, in fact, contracted Stage 3 ‘Rob Ford’. Cancer, who has had a myriad health issues for years, due to it being Cancer, had come to the conclusion that it had contracted Rob Ford after a routine inspection by a doctor.
“Today, I discovered that I am in the early stages of Rob Ford. This is truly awful and I would not wish Rob Ford on anyone,” said Cancer. “I know I’ve had some differences with some people in the past, and I am sorry for causing the death of so many. I’m hoping that we can forget all that. I am willing to put these aside for the moment to focus on getting healthy and ridding myself of Rob Ford.”
Cancer’s doctor Marcia Watson remained very optimistic of Cancer’s chances. “Thankfully we’ve caught Rob Ford in time and treatment will be somewhat aggressive but manageable for Cancer. Anyone who knows Cancer knows it’s a fighter.” When asked for a prognosis, Dr. Watson stated “Stage 3 ‘Rob Ford’ often sees the Rob Ford still appearing in public, garnering family sympathy and taking photo ops at grossly inappropriate venues such as the scenes of fatal accidents.”
Cancer begins treatment immediately.