Conservative Party Drafting Official List of Excuses for Why Harper Can’t Attend Ford Function

October 14, 2015

“One of the security guards just got a PS4″, “I’m afraid there will be Muslims there”, “My wiener’s dripping something”..

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Julien Code, campaign intern for the Harper campaign, dropped everything he had on his plate today when Harper’s campaign top brass demanded a list of excuses that Harper could use to get out of the rally that Rob and Doug Ford are planning Saturday. Following the inclusion of the Ford brothers at a Harper rally in Etobicoke on Tuesday, Doug Ford extended the invite to Harper, stating that the rally in Harper’s honour would be a top-class event. Said Ford, “It will be a massive day. I will be there, Rob will be there, the Prime Minister will be there.”

It was at that point that a call was made from Harper’s campaign headquarters to Code, who was told to immediately procure a list of excuses to get Harper out of attending the outing on the weekend. Code’s initial efforts were not seen as strong enough and knocked back. Said Code, “It’s been fairly frantic. My team has been doing their best to try to get a list of excuses but they keep getting knocked back. I’ve put forward “Death in the family”, “Previous campaign engagement”, “Emergency appendectomy”, all of them not good, so I’m told. I’m now just going for anything. “Expense reports due”. “Laureen is feeling ‘rambunctious’”. “PVR is not taping ‘Celebrity Chopped’ for some reason so I have to watch it live.’” One of these has to be bought by the Ford brothers. Anything. I just want it to end.”

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