WHO Warn of 250% Increase in Vegetarian and Vegan Smugness

October 26, 2015

A local vegan begins to look down his nose at a passing vegetarian.

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND (TheBadgerCA) – Close on the heels of the World Health Organization’s announcement that both red and processed meats have been linked to cancer, they also today warned that there will be an over 250% increase in sanctimony and smugness expected from the vegetarian and vegan communities with almost immediate effect. Elainne deGraff, chief analysis coordinator for this finding, stated that the knock-on effect of the cancer correlation with processed meats and “vegetarian smugness” would prove to be staggering.

Said deGraff, “We have had the usual high levels of sanctimonious behaviour and an eagerness to tell all people within the immediate radius of a vegetarian or vegan about their life choice. We have seen this daily and the numbers have remained relative to the non-meat eating community. With the announcement today, we expect these levels of smugness to skyrocket as a result. People will begin to see unsolicited commentary on meat-eating from vegetarians, how these people have known ‘forever’ that meat was bad for humans, more loud pronouncements of vegetarianism when ordering foods in restaurants. People will have no choice to hear from this community in the coming days.”

deGraff also warned that the meat-eating community would most likely not be the only ones affected. “If these levels continue to grow, and I see no reason they will not, I feel we will begin to see a hierarchy begin to develop. Vegans will begin to treat vegetarians as lesser, showing them the same disdain as meat-eaters. This will force the communities to fold in on themselves into one sanctimonious and self-accusatory body. This organism will then perish. It’s an ending that, sadly, is easily predicted and unpreventable.”

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