Extra Daylight Savings Hour Used for 60 More Minutes of Crippling, Sleepless Anxiety

November 2, 2015

Mike King; local insomnia sufferer

TORONTO, ONTARIO (TheBadgerCA) – While many used Sunday morning’s extra hour of daylight savings time to get an extra hour of sleep or continue Halloween revelry at costume parties and bars across the city, local depression sufferer Mike King stared at his ceiling for another hour. Unable to sleep, King used the extra hour in the same way he does most nights; as a time to review all of his failures of the day. Once the mess-ups for the day were catalogued, they were added into specific groups of other failures that have occurred over the course of King’s life in order to find a pattern that will never manifest itself.

In the extra hour, King focused unflinchingly at the ceiling fan, going over in his head again and again his inability to contact his parents on a weekly basis to touch base as well as his lack of initiative at work that King believes will probably see him terminated in the next round of layoffs at the furniture chain he works at. At the 18 minute mark of the extra hour, King panicked about his credit card debt which grew from $10,000 to $11,500 the previous day following the purchase of a home fitness machine King imagines he will never use. This led nicely into King’s usual self-abuse over his inability to get in shape and the fact that he had not made an appointment for an annual physical for more than three years now.

At minute 47 of the extra hour, King came to the conclusion that he had cancer, most likely of the liver, since he “has been drinking so goddamned much since Lynne (his estranged live-in girlfriend) moved out”. King’s former girlfriend is now lives in the east end with Brent, a yoga instructor. King spent the final moments of the extra hour noting that no one has called him to check on him for more than a month.

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