PARIS, FRANCE (TheBadgerCA) – In a statement released today following the Friday attacks on Paris, French president François Hollande made it clear that any hope of politeness toward the members of ISIS would now be evaporated. Said Hollande in a press conference convened early this morning, “The people of France will not tolerate the actions of a noted few that wish to terrorize the citizens of Paris and the people of France. We will not stand for this. If you thought that we were rude, distant and unhelpful before Friday, you have seen nothing yet.
“I urge all of the citizens of France, in contact with ISIS members, to look deep inside of each and every one of you and find the inner rudeness that has been brewing under quiet pressure throughout this ordeal. Unleash your rudeness on ISIS and anyone of their supporters! Offer no directions! Mock their horrible, horrible attempts at the French language. Ignore their requests for service be it in a café, boutique or boulangerie!
“To the members of ISIS, we will seek you out like the rabid dogs you are. And like dogs you will be caged. And when you are caged, you will then feel the true meaning of rudeness delivered by the great people of France. Your requests for water will be denied, even after the 35th time we walk by your cell. We will laugh at your attempts to eat escargot properly. We will not answer your requests to stop torture unless your French is perfect. And even so, even so, we will only half-heartedly desist.
The French president closed, “Sleep well, pigs. It is the last sleep you will have without the spectres of mockery and insult rousting you from your dreams.”