Blog Archives

Trump’s Penis: “Please Don’t Drag Me Into This”

March 4, 2016
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Trump’s Penis: “Please Don’t Drag Me Into This”

DETROIT, MICHIGAN (TheBadgerCA) – Following the GOP debate Thursday, a spokesperson for Donald Trump’s penis has stepped forward, releasing a statement that the penis does not wish to be part of the media circus that is following the Trump campaign and the Republican National Convention as a whole. Linda Disset, representing Trump’s member, read the…

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Conservative Syrian Refugee Not Looking Forward to Meeting “Pair of Liberal Spend-Monkeys”

December 10, 2015
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Conservative Syrian Refugee Not Looking Forward to Meeting “Pair of Liberal Spend-Monkeys”

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Upon hearing the news that both Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne would be present to welcome the first wave of refugees into Canada, Syrian Muhammed Al-Muhar shook his head. “I was afraid that this would happen.” Al-Muhar says as a Syrian refugee, he is delighted that Canada…

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US Congress “Totally Promise to Implement Gun Control After Next Mass Shooting”

December 2, 2015
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US Congress “Totally Promise to Implement Gun Control After Next Mass Shooting”

SAN BERNADINO, CALIFORNIA (TheBadgerCA) – In the wake of the latest mass shooting in the US, 352 this year, the US Congress have decreed that they will move into action. The San Bernardino shooting today that has left at least 14 dead and 14 injured has spurred on Congress moving them into action, stating that…

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Just To Be Safe, University of Ottawa Bans Yoga, Chai Tea, Indian Food and “Most Brown-People Things”

November 23, 2015
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Just To Be Safe, University of Ottawa Bans Yoga, Chai Tea, Indian Food and “Most Brown-People Things”

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In the wake of its recent cancellation of free yoga classes due to “concerns of cultural appropriation”, the University of Ottawa student union is not taking any chances and moving to further ban culturally-sensitive items and services. The student union has generated a list of items that will also be removed…

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France to ISIS: “If You Thought We Were Rude Before This…”

November 16, 2015
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France to ISIS: “If You Thought We Were Rude Before This…”

PARIS, FRANCE (TheBadgerCA) – In a statement released today following the Friday attacks on Paris, French president François Hollande made it clear that any hope of politeness toward the members of ISIS would now be evaporated. Said Hollande in a press conference convened early this morning, “The people of France will not tolerate the actions…

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Starbucks to Recall Muhammad-Themed Coffee Cups for Muslim High Holiday

November 9, 2015
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Starbucks to Recall Muhammad-Themed Coffee Cups for Muslim High Holiday

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (TheBadgerCA) – Following the wrath that Starbucks received today from Christians regarding their red coffee cups, the coffee chain today announced that they would be not going forward with Muhammad-themed cups for Mawlid an-Nabī, the date commemorating the birth of the prophet Muhammad. The cups were to be made available leading up to…

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Quentin Tarantino Apologizes for Anti-Cop Comments to Jew Media

November 5, 2015
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Quentin Tarantino Apologizes for Anti-Cop Comments to Jew Media

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (TheBadgerCA) – In statement released today, Quentin Tarantino apologized to his anti-police comments that embroiled him this week in a boycott of his films by police unions nationwide. Said Tarantino, “I did not intend to have everyone think that I am anti-police. I’m not. If you don’t think there’s a problem in…

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Trudeau Cabinet Sworn In Without Mention of God, Canada Soon to Drown in “Avalanche of Homosexuals”

November 4, 2015
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Trudeau Cabinet Sworn In Without Mention of God, Canada Soon to Drown in “Avalanche of Homosexuals”

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – As members of Justin Trudeau’s cabinet were sworn in, Canada turned a corner with new leadership and a new ideology. However, many political analysts also worry that Canada will now turn into a “modern-day Gomorrah” and is open to attacks from “an angry, vengeful God”. Duncan Beech, a professor of political…

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Extra Daylight Savings Hour Used for 60 More Minutes of Crippling, Sleepless Anxiety

November 2, 2015
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Extra Daylight Savings Hour Used for 60 More Minutes of Crippling, Sleepless Anxiety

TORONTO, ONTARIO (TheBadgerCA) – While many used Sunday morning’s extra hour of daylight savings time to get an extra hour of sleep or continue Halloween revelry at costume parties and bars across the city, local depression sufferer Mike King stared at his ceiling for another hour. Unable to sleep, King used the extra hour in…

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Every Step of Couple’s Halloween Costume Leading to Their Break-Up

October 30, 2015
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Every Step of Couple’s Halloween Costume Leading to Their Break-Up

SCARBOROUGH, ONTARIO (TheBadgerCA) – Little did Taylor Heller and Monica Dooley know that when they sat down to design their Halloween costume together that they would be heading towards a breakup that will occur Sunday morning in a tearful exchange. The common-law couple began on this path to their relationship’s demise when initial discussions occurred…

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