Blog Archives

Boy Playing Sheep in Christmas Pageant Wasn’t Even Trying

December 20, 2012
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Boy Playing Sheep in Christmas Pageant Wasn’t Even Trying

EAST YORK, ON (TheBadgerCA) – A near perfect evening of theatre was on display Monday night at St. Etienne Elementary as Sister Adani’s First Grade class took the stage to perform the annual nativity for parents and friends alike in the cramped elementary school auditorium. Every stackable chair was filled for this event, starring Taylor…

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Summoned Ghost of Charlton Heston Warns NRA to ‘Get Ready to Eat a Plate of Shit Tomorrow’

December 20, 2012
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Summoned Ghost of Charlton Heston Warns NRA to ‘Get Ready to Eat a Plate of Shit Tomorrow’

WASHINGTON, DC (TheBadgerCA) – As the world waits for the first formal statement from the National Rifle Association since the massacre in Newtown, CT that claimed the lives of 26 people, 20 of whom were children, NRA spokesmen have turned to the occult in hopes of conveying both sympathy and strength in purpose regarding gun…

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Starbucks Introduces $7 Cup of Coffee Due to Inability to Place Its Penis in Your Face

December 5, 2012
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Starbucks Introduces $7 Cup of Coffee Due to Inability to Place Its Penis in Your Face

SEATTLE, WA (TheBadgerCA) – This week Starbucks introduced its new coffee Geisha, a rare Costa Rican coffee that costs $40 per half-pound.  To the consumer, this will translate to approximately $7.00 for a 16-ounce cup. Ken Meier, Vice-President of Global Marketing for Starbucks explained the company’s desire and direction to bring forward the expensive coffee…

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World Overjoyed by Pope’s First Tweet

December 4, 2012
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World Overjoyed by Pope’s First Tweet

VATICAN CITY (TheBadgerCA) – Followers around the world anxiously awaiting the first tweet from the new Twitter user Pope Benedict XVI finally had their waiting pay off today as the Pope took to the internet and released his first tweet. Cardinal Jorge Estévez was at the Pope’s side witnessing this historic event. “His Holiness had…

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City of Toronto Fires Civil Servant Caught Dodging Work for Three Months

November 30, 2012
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City of Toronto Fires Civil Servant Caught Dodging Work for Three Months

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Information was released today from Toronto City Hall that, in accordance with the mayor’s mandate to balance the city’s budget and create efficiencies within the city’s departments, the city today fired a civil servant who was proved delinquent in his duties. Upon investigation, the worker whose name is being kept confidential…

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Local Man Buys the Wrong Goddamn Brand of Paper Towel

November 29, 2012
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Local Man Buys the Wrong Goddamn Brand of Paper Towel

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – David Ketchum, 38, returned to his Leeside home from what seemed a usual grocery trip at a local Sobey’s to discover to his horror that he bought the wrong goddamn brand of paper towel.  The incident was brought to his attention by his wife Lydia Driscoll-Ketchum who greeted him at the…

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News Photos: The Grey Cup Parade

November 28, 2012
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News Photos: The Grey Cup Parade

Grey Cup parades bring out two kinds of people to watch them: true football fans and the unemployed who don’t have jobs to go to and can kill time.  This year, we got a two-for-one.

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Ford Blames ‘Left-Wing Politics’ for His Inability to Comprehend Rules of His Job

November 27, 2012
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Ford Blames ‘Left-Wing Politics’ for His Inability to Comprehend Rules of His Job

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Following the news that he was being removed from office, former Toronto mayor Rob Ford lashed out to the media citing reasons for his ousting.  Ford, having been found guilty in a conflict of interest trial, told the assembled media today that he blames “left wing politicking” and “witch-hunting” for the…

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Donald Trump Offers $5000 for Name of “Piece of Shit” Glazier

November 22, 2012
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Donald Trump Offers $5000 for Name of “Piece of Shit” Glazier

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Amid his investors filing a multi-million dollar lawsuit against him, Donald Trump today lashed out to the community in a press conference early today.  Citing several windows that fell from his Toronto Trump Tower property, Trump screamed at the gathered press stating, “I’m offering $5000 to anyone that can provide the…

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Gay Float Organizers Blame ‘Totally Getting the Date Wrong’ for Santa Claus Parade Entry

November 19, 2012
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Gay Float Organizers Blame ‘Totally Getting the Date Wrong’ for Santa Claus Parade Entry

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – David Connor, organizer of the solo gay float in this year’s Santa Claus parade blames his lack of organization and “totally getting the date wrong” for the stir that was caused during this year’s parade. “So, it looks like I was a few weeks off.  Months actually, but dates have never…

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