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Brunch Conversation Normally Derailed by ‘New Baby’ Topic Now Monopolized by ‘New Cat’ Talk

November 19, 2012
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Brunch Conversation Normally Derailed by ‘New Baby’ Topic Now Monopolized by ‘New Cat’ Talk

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Daniel Lett and Laura Simkin were left shocked at their local brunch spot where they normally control the morning conversation with talk about their 10-month old daughter Emilia.  Lett and Simkin, who brunch regularly with their friends Kyle and Ayako Dermott, came armed with conversation topics regarding Emilia’s interaction with new…

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Guy Working Out in Five-Finger Shoes and Wool Cap Brings Much Needed Awesomeness to Local Gym

November 16, 2012
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TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Members of the Liberty Village location of GoodLife Fitness today noted that until Josh Malcolm showed up for his twice-weekly workout, their gym felt very drab and awful.  Upon Josh’s arrival, things at the gym dramatically improved. Malcolm, 27, strode into the main gym from the change room in plaid Bermuda…

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Disney to Produce New “’Please Sign This Release’ Elmo’”

November 13, 2012
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BURBANK, CA (TheBadgerCA) – The Disney Corporation announced today that they would be adding to their Muppets toy line with the new “Please Sign This Release” Elmo doll.  The doll, due out at the end of November in time for Christmas, is said to provide the same enjoyment for children that previous Elmo dolls has…

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Several of Romney’s Hastily Penned Concession Speech Drafts Honest, Profane

November 8, 2012
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Several of Romney’s Hastily Penned Concession Speech Drafts Honest, Profane

BOSTON, MA (TheBadgerCA) – Leading up to last night’s defeat to President Barack Obama, Republican candidate Mitt Romney announced that he had only written a victory speech and had nothing prepared in the event that he lost.  Found on the losing side last night, Romney delayed his concession, scrambling with aides frantically to create a…

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SPHINCTERS LOOSEN!!!

November 7, 2012
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SPHINCTERS LOOSEN!!!

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Local Morning DJ Cannot Wait to Do ‘Erection Day’ Material

November 6, 2012
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COLUMBUS, OH (TheBadgerCA) – Local radio host Danny Bamber, half of the morning radio show “Big Dan and the Skunk” reported today off-air that he is very excited about today’s US election and his ability to bring out material specific to today.  Says Bamber, “Yeah, this day only comes once every four years, so it’s…

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Romney Camp Torn on Who’s to Blame for Hurricane Sandy, Pro-Lifers or Gays

November 2, 2012
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WEST ALLIS, WISCONSIN (TheBadgerCA) – A cloud of confusion has formed over the presidential hopeful as the Republican party still awaits a statement from their leader as to who is to blame for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. “We need to know,” said Ellen St. Louis, a Republican rally attendee.  “It’s been five days now,…

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People Already Sick of Co-Worker’s Jokes about His Ex Named ‘Sandy’

October 30, 2012
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People Already Sick of Co-Worker’s Jokes about His Ex Named ‘Sandy’

PROVIDENCE, RI (TheBadgerCA) – Workers in the Palmerston Street branch of US Bank have been placed on high alert since the warning that the eastern coast of the United States would be battered by Hurricane Sandy.  Tensions already running high as many thought of their own safety and that of their families, it was not…

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Toronto Maple Leafs Happy with Undefeated Season

October 26, 2012
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Toronto Maple Leafs Happy with Undefeated Season

TORONTO (TheBadgerCA) – Today, a smile crept across the face of Brian Burke, General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  A quick glance at the paper told him that so far this year, the Leafs have not registered a single loss so far.  Burke was beside himself with joy. “To be this far into October,…

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Bill Gates Offers Donald Trump $5B for Proof He’s Not an Utter Asshole

October 24, 2012
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Bill Gates Offers Donald Trump $5B for Proof He’s Not an Utter Asshole

SEATTLE, WA (TheBadgerCA) – Following Donald Trump’s $5M challenge, Microsoft’s co-founder Bill Gates has countered with another offer.  Today, Donald Trump offered $5M to a charity of President Obama’s choice as long as Obama brought forward his passport and college records.  Today, a counter offer was offered by Bill Gates, offering real estate magnate Trump…

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