Blog Archives

South Carolina Officer Fired for Arresting Student, Hired by Alabama Police Force

October 28, 2015
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South Carolina Officer Fired for Arresting Student, Hired by Alabama Police Force

HUNTSVILLE, ALABAMA (TheBadgerCA) – Disgraced Richland County Senior Deputy Ben Fields was fired this morning following the release of a video showing him flipping a teen-aged student backwards out of her desk, tossing her onto the floor and arresting her in front of her classroom. Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott stated that the officer, having…

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WHO Warn of 250% Increase in Vegetarian and Vegan Smugness

October 26, 2015
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WHO Warn of 250% Increase in Vegetarian and Vegan Smugness

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND (TheBadgerCA) – Close on the heels of the World Health Organization’s announcement that both red and processed meats have been linked to cancer, they also today warned that there will be an over 250% increase in sanctimony and smugness expected from the vegetarian and vegan communities with almost immediate effect. Elainne deGraff, chief…

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Justin Trudeau Wakes Up Today as New Prime Minister, Dreamed of Ten New Things to Tax

October 20, 2015
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Justin Trudeau Wakes Up Today as New Prime Minister, Dreamed of Ten New Things to Tax

MONTREAL, QUEBEC (TheBadgerCA) – Today ushered in a new era in Canadian politics as Justin Trudeau’s Liberal party swept aside Stephen Harper’s Conservative party, taking seats from normally strong Conservative and NDP strongholds. Following his acceptance speech as the leader of Canada last night, Trudeau and his family were rewarded with a well-deserved sleep, his…

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Harper Selects Middle-Class Family to Sacrifice to Lucifer in Advance of Election Night

October 19, 2015
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Harper Selects Middle-Class Family to Sacrifice to Lucifer in Advance of Election Night

ABBOTSFORD, BRITISH COLUMBIA (TheBadgerCA) – The Emersons were delighted to discover today that they had been selected above thousands of middle-class families to be sacrificed by Stephen Harper to the Underworld Lord Satan in advance of Canada’s 42nd federal election. Brett Emerson, a 43-year old project manager and father of six, could barely contain his…

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Tell-All Book Has Sociologists Upgrading Rob Ford From “Asshole” to “Fucking Asshole”

October 16, 2015
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Tell-All Book Has Sociologists Upgrading Rob Ford From “Asshole” to “Fucking Asshole”

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Upon reading passages from Mark Towhey’s tell-all book documenting his time as chief of staff to Rob Ford when Ford was mayor, leading experts in the sociology world have upgraded Rob Ford’s sociological standing. Daniel Thyckes, chair for the Canadian Sociological Association, was part of the committee responsible for Ford’s upgrade.…

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Mother of Baby Sprayed with Beer at Blue Jays Game Becomes Icon for Garbage Parents Everywhere

October 15, 2015
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Mother of Baby Sprayed with Beer at Blue Jays Game Becomes Icon for Garbage Parents Everywhere

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Heather Dupree today had no idea that the decision to bring her baby to a hotly contested baseball game would make her an icon for bad parenting decisions around the world. Dupree, a stay-at-home mother, brought her newborn daughter Amber to the game without hearing protection in order to prove her…

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Conservative Party Drafting Official List of Excuses for Why Harper Can’t Attend Ford Function

October 14, 2015
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Conservative Party Drafting Official List of Excuses for Why Harper Can’t Attend Ford Function

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Julien Code, campaign intern for the Harper campaign, dropped everything he had on his plate today when Harper’s campaign top brass demanded a list of excuses that Harper could use to get out of the rally that Rob and Doug Ford are planning Saturday. Following the inclusion of the Ford brothers…

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Local Gays Very Interested in Ousted-Conservative’s Candidate Cure for Gayness

October 7, 2015
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Local Gays Very Interested in Ousted-Conservative’s Candidate Cure for Gayness

MISSISSAUGA, ON (TheBadgerCA) – The day began in disappointment for local homosexual Brian Laylee, a 24-year old barista, when he heard that Jagdish Grewal was dispatched from Conservative Party of Canada’s Mississauga riding following comments that he believed there were cures for homosexuality. Laylee  stated, “Just when you think there’s a cure for something wrong…

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Poll Reveals 87% of US Senators Tired of Pretending to Care About Gun Control

October 2, 2015
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Poll Reveals 87% of US Senators Tired of Pretending to Care About Gun Control

WASHINGTON, DC (TheBadgerCA) – Following the latest mass shooting in the US, this time in an Oregon school leaving 10 dead, a poll  concludes that 87% of US senators are now tired and exhausted from pretending to care about gun control. With 294 mass shootings in the US this year, more than one per day,…

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Local Politician Thought Three Times Prior to Posting Tweet with “Muslim” in It

October 1, 2015
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Local Politician Thought Three Times Prior to Posting Tweet with “Muslim” in It

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Amid a torrent of political candidates stepping down due to online posts in social media, local Conservative candidate David Hartley is pretty sure his tweet is clean enough to make it through his Twitter feed without any issue. Across all of the major political parties, Member of Parliament hopefuls have been…

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