Blog Archives

Chris Alexander Blames Media for Reporting on His Failure as a Human Being

September 3, 2015
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Chris Alexander Blames Media for Reporting on His Failure as a Human Being

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) - Immigration minister Chris Alexander has lashed out at the media today, blaming them for his complete inability to do his job properly and behave in a humane manner. In a statement released this morning, Alexander criticized all media outlets for not focusing on the crisis in Syria and instead focusing on his…

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Badger Editorial Team Celebrates Third Anniversary by Evading Kidnapper’s Lair After 9 Months

September 2, 2015
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Badger Editorial Team Celebrates Third Anniversary by Evading Kidnapper’s Lair After 9 Months

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – To celebrate their third anniversary of news reporting and editorials, the entire editorial team of The Badger emerged from captivity at the hands of a kidnapper that held them for over nine months. Champagne was uncorked and hors d’oeuvres devoured at the offices of The Badger as they breathed their first…

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Toronto Maple Leafs Developing New Aerodynamic ‘Throwing Jersey’

January 20, 2015
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Toronto Maple Leafs Developing New Aerodynamic ‘Throwing Jersey’

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Marketing team members at Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment (MLSE) are excited today with news that the Toronto Maple Leafs are coming forward with a new souvenir for Leaf fans. Sylvie Tepps, the Vice President of Merchandising for the Toronto hockey club, announced that the Leafs were coming up with a…

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Local Amateur Stand-Up Comic Can’t Decide Which Picture of Broken Pencil to Use as Avatar

January 8, 2015
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Local Amateur Stand-Up Comic Can’t Decide Which Picture of Broken Pencil to Use as Avatar

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In the wake of the tragedy in Paris that saw twelve employees at the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo shot to death Monday, many outside of France are also stunned without knowing how to react to the tragic news. Many have taken to the internet, showing their support through the online hashtag…

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Local Hipster Contracted Ebola, Like, So Last Year

October 31, 2014
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Oct 14, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – With the world in a state of panic, local hipster Brendan Pallson, 28, has become the first known contractor of the Ebola virus in Toronto. What is worse is that Pallson has stated that he contracted the virus at least 12 months ago and is a survivor.…

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Doug Ford Calling Debate a “Holocaust” Not Going Over Well With Some

October 31, 2014
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Doug Ford Calling Debate a “Holocaust” Not Going Over Well With Some

Oct 5, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – At a mayoral debate in Toronto on Sunday, many are seeking clarification from Doug Ford where he described the debate as an “utter holocaust”. The debate sponsored by the Centre for Israel and Jewish Afairs and the UJA Federation of Greater Toronto had many of Toronto’s Jewish…

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Cancer Devastated to Discover it has ‘Rob Ford’

October 31, 2014
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Sept 17, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In a tearful statement today, the fatal disease Cancer revealed that it has, in fact, contracted Stage 3 ‘Rob Ford’. Cancer, who has had a myriad health issues for years, due to it being Cancer, had come to the conclusion that it had contracted Rob Ford after…

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UN Classifies Most-To-All Food Served at The Ex in Contravention of the Geneva Convention

August 27, 2013
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UN Classifies Most-To-All Food Served at The Ex in Contravention of the Geneva Convention

NEW YORK, NY (TheBadgerCA) – The United Nations is condemning Canada for what it calls “a devastating attack on its own people” with casualties numbering in the hundreds following what some are calling “biological warfare” in contravention of the Geneva Convention which bans the use of chemical and biological weapons. Deputy Secretary-General Jan Eliasson was…

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“She Seems Nice! Leave Her Alone!”; Local Bad Parents say Lay Off Miley Cyrus

August 26, 2013
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“She Seems Nice! Leave Her Alone!”; Local Bad Parents say Lay Off Miley Cyrus

NEW YORK, NY (TheBadgerCA) – Local bad parents were irate this morning from the backlash that greeted Miley Cyrus’s performance at the MTV Video Music Awards last night. Local resident and reported horrible mother Crystal McCormack was livid about the abuse that Cyrus was receiving online. “She’s just a performer, putting on a performance, and…

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Const. James Forcillo Welcomes New Career as Alcoholic Private Eye

August 19, 2013
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Const. James Forcillo Welcomes New Career as Alcoholic Private Eye

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – With today’s decision by Toronto’s SIU to charge Constable James Forcillo with second-degree murder in the shooting of Sammy Yatim, focus on Forcillo was intense. The six-year veteran is charged with shooting of 18-year old Yatim on an empty Toronto streetcar. Even with the pending court case, Forcillo remained upbeat. “Obviously…

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