Blog Archives

Canada Orders Beefeater Gin Off Shelves Amid E. Coli Scare

October 5, 2012
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Canada Orders Beefeater Gin Off Shelves Amid E. Coli Scare

In a move of extraordinary caution amid a nationwide E. coli outbreak in meat products, Canada’s Agriculture Minister Gerry Ritz has ordered all bottles of Beefeater Gin to be removed from the shelves and stockrooms of all stores, effective immediately. Facing a grilling from opposition and the public, Ritz, a known gin drinker, explained, “It’s…

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Ayatollah Khamenei’s Review of ‘Innocence of Muslims’

September 21, 2012
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Ayatollah Khamenei’s Review of ‘Innocence of Muslims’

  Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei took a break from his fiery brand of apocalyptic politics to share his thoughts on the controversial amateur film, ‘The Innocence of Muslims.’ “I confess, I have not seen the entire film. I fell asleep during the first fifteen minutes but let me assure you, I saw enough…

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Three Italians Killed Over Topless Kate Photos

September 17, 2012
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Three Italians Killed Over Topless Kate Photos

LONDON (@TheBadgerCa) – A mob of angry men wearing Team England jerseys has stormed the Italian embassy in London, setting it on fire and calling for “death to Italians everywhere.” Three Italians staffers were killed while trying to return from their extended lunch break. The blind British rage has been directed at Italians in Britain…

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Clooney Makes Smug TIFF Appearance

September 11, 2012
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Clooney Makes Smug TIFF Appearance

In a move critics are calling “his smuggest yet,” actor, director, producer, and honorary Catholic saint, George Clooney, congratulated his Hollywood friends on the success of this year’s The Toronto International Film Festival, despite his absence. “People love us. What can we say? Let’s applaud Hollywood’s hard work.” The self-ordained United Nations Ambassador to Hollywood…

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UK Calls “Olly Olly Oxen Free” on Assange

September 2, 2012
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UK Calls “Olly Olly Oxen Free” on Assange

George Lucas: WikiLeaks founder is a Han Solo for the 21st century LONDON (TheBadgerCA) – In a desperate attempt to put an end to a two-month-long game of diplomatic hide-and-seek with WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange, the British government has called “olly olly oxen free,” hoping to lure out the pale defender of freedom of speech.…

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