Canadian News

Conservative Syrian Refugee Not Looking Forward to Meeting “Pair of Liberal Spend-Monkeys”

December 10, 2015
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Conservative Syrian Refugee Not Looking Forward to Meeting “Pair of Liberal Spend-Monkeys”

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Upon hearing the news that both Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne would be present to welcome the first wave of refugees into Canada, Syrian Muhammed Al-Muhar shook his head. “I was afraid that this would happen.” Al-Muhar says as a Syrian refugee, he is delighted that Canada…

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Just To Be Safe, University of Ottawa Bans Yoga, Chai Tea, Indian Food and “Most Brown-People Things”

November 23, 2015
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Just To Be Safe, University of Ottawa Bans Yoga, Chai Tea, Indian Food and “Most Brown-People Things”

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In the wake of its recent cancellation of free yoga classes due to “concerns of cultural appropriation”, the University of Ottawa student union is not taking any chances and moving to further ban culturally-sensitive items and services. The student union has generated a list of items that will also be removed…

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Starbucks to Recall Muhammad-Themed Coffee Cups for Muslim High Holiday

November 9, 2015
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Starbucks to Recall Muhammad-Themed Coffee Cups for Muslim High Holiday

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON (TheBadgerCA) – Following the wrath that Starbucks received today from Christians regarding their red coffee cups, the coffee chain today announced that they would be not going forward with Muhammad-themed cups for Mawlid an-Nabī, the date commemorating the birth of the prophet Muhammad. The cups were to be made available leading up to…

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Trudeau Cabinet Sworn In Without Mention of God, Canada Soon to Drown in “Avalanche of Homosexuals”

November 4, 2015
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Trudeau Cabinet Sworn In Without Mention of God, Canada Soon to Drown in “Avalanche of Homosexuals”

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – As members of Justin Trudeau’s cabinet were sworn in, Canada turned a corner with new leadership and a new ideology. However, many political analysts also worry that Canada will now turn into a “modern-day Gomorrah” and is open to attacks from “an angry, vengeful God”. Duncan Beech, a professor of political…

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Justin Trudeau Wakes Up Today as New Prime Minister, Dreamed of Ten New Things to Tax

October 20, 2015
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Justin Trudeau Wakes Up Today as New Prime Minister, Dreamed of Ten New Things to Tax

MONTREAL, QUEBEC (TheBadgerCA) – Today ushered in a new era in Canadian politics as Justin Trudeau’s Liberal party swept aside Stephen Harper’s Conservative party, taking seats from normally strong Conservative and NDP strongholds. Following his acceptance speech as the leader of Canada last night, Trudeau and his family were rewarded with a well-deserved sleep, his…

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Harper Selects Middle-Class Family to Sacrifice to Lucifer in Advance of Election Night

October 19, 2015
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Harper Selects Middle-Class Family to Sacrifice to Lucifer in Advance of Election Night

ABBOTSFORD, BRITISH COLUMBIA (TheBadgerCA) – The Emersons were delighted to discover today that they had been selected above thousands of middle-class families to be sacrificed by Stephen Harper to the Underworld Lord Satan in advance of Canada’s 42nd federal election. Brett Emerson, a 43-year old project manager and father of six, could barely contain his…

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Mother of Baby Sprayed with Beer at Blue Jays Game Becomes Icon for Garbage Parents Everywhere

October 15, 2015
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Mother of Baby Sprayed with Beer at Blue Jays Game Becomes Icon for Garbage Parents Everywhere

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Heather Dupree today had no idea that the decision to bring her baby to a hotly contested baseball game would make her an icon for bad parenting decisions around the world. Dupree, a stay-at-home mother, brought her newborn daughter Amber to the game without hearing protection in order to prove her…

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Conservative Party Drafting Official List of Excuses for Why Harper Can’t Attend Ford Function

October 14, 2015
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Conservative Party Drafting Official List of Excuses for Why Harper Can’t Attend Ford Function

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Julien Code, campaign intern for the Harper campaign, dropped everything he had on his plate today when Harper’s campaign top brass demanded a list of excuses that Harper could use to get out of the rally that Rob and Doug Ford are planning Saturday. Following the inclusion of the Ford brothers…

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Local Gays Very Interested in Ousted-Conservative’s Candidate Cure for Gayness

October 7, 2015
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Local Gays Very Interested in Ousted-Conservative’s Candidate Cure for Gayness

MISSISSAUGA, ON (TheBadgerCA) – The day began in disappointment for local homosexual Brian Laylee, a 24-year old barista, when he heard that Jagdish Grewal was dispatched from Conservative Party of Canada’s Mississauga riding following comments that he believed there were cures for homosexuality. Laylee  stated, “Just when you think there’s a cure for something wrong…

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Local Politician Thought Three Times Prior to Posting Tweet with “Muslim” in It

October 1, 2015
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Local Politician Thought Three Times Prior to Posting Tweet with “Muslim” in It

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Amid a torrent of political candidates stepping down due to online posts in social media, local Conservative candidate David Hartley is pretty sure his tweet is clean enough to make it through his Twitter feed without any issue. Across all of the major political parties, Member of Parliament hopefuls have been…

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