Canadian News

Area Anglophone Happy French Debate Had Nothing To Do With Him

September 25, 2015
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Area Anglophone Happy French Debate Had Nothing To Do With Him

SCARBOROUGH, ONTARIO (TheBadgerCA) – In the wake of last night’s French-language leader’s debate, Danny Illins, 34, was relieved to know that he did not have to follow a single word of it, since it was in French. Illins, a produce manager for a local grocery chain, was prepared to devote time in his busy schedule…

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“Canadians Should Not Fear CSIS” says Harper to Canadians Bundled Into the Trunks of Cars

September 11, 2015
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“Canadians Should Not Fear CSIS” says Harper to Canadians Bundled Into the Trunks of Cars

VICTORIAVILLE, QUE (TheBadgerCA) – While campaigning in Quebec today, Prime Minister Stephen Harper had some comforting words for Canadians today. On the back of his pledge to fund $10 million to research terrorism and the creation of radicalization both domestically and abroad, Harper comforted Canadians concerned about CSIS having their authority expanded without any consequence…

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Parents Protesting New Sex-Ed Curriculum Also Against Teaching of Internet in Computer Class

September 9, 2015
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Parents Protesting New Sex-Ed Curriculum Also Against Teaching of Internet in Computer Class

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Parents of children at a local public school protesting Ontario’s new sex-ed curriculum which teaches topics like sexting, Internet pornography and consent. have added a new target for their ire. Not content with a curriculum that teaches how to handle ever-fast growing technology and sexuality, angry parents demanded that the Information…

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Social Media Outraged as Nicole Arbor Described as “Comedian”

September 8, 2015
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Social Media Outraged as Nicole Arbor Described as “Comedian”

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Following the backlash from a controversial video, people around the globe became outraged upon discovering the video’s creator, Nicole Arbour was being called a “comedian”. Arbour, the self-titled “World’s Sexiest Comedian” is no stranger to blatant self-promotion, and stirred up her self-created controversy fury with the “Dear Fat People”. In an…

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Chris Alexander Blames Media for Reporting on His Failure as a Human Being

September 3, 2015
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Chris Alexander Blames Media for Reporting on His Failure as a Human Being

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) - Immigration minister Chris Alexander has lashed out at the media today, blaming them for his complete inability to do his job properly and behave in a humane manner. In a statement released this morning, Alexander criticized all media outlets for not focusing on the crisis in Syria and instead focusing on his…

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Badger Editorial Team Celebrates Third Anniversary by Evading Kidnapper’s Lair After 9 Months

September 2, 2015
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Badger Editorial Team Celebrates Third Anniversary by Evading Kidnapper’s Lair After 9 Months

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – To celebrate their third anniversary of news reporting and editorials, the entire editorial team of The Badger emerged from captivity at the hands of a kidnapper that held them for over nine months. Champagne was uncorked and hors d’oeuvres devoured at the offices of The Badger as they breathed their first…

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Local Hipster Contracted Ebola, Like, So Last Year

October 31, 2014
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Oct 14, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – With the world in a state of panic, local hipster Brendan Pallson, 28, has become the first known contractor of the Ebola virus in Toronto. What is worse is that Pallson has stated that he contracted the virus at least 12 months ago and is a survivor.…

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Cancer Devastated to Discover it has ‘Rob Ford’

October 31, 2014
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Sept 17, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In a tearful statement today, the fatal disease Cancer revealed that it has, in fact, contracted Stage 3 ‘Rob Ford’. Cancer, who has had a myriad health issues for years, due to it being Cancer, had come to the conclusion that it had contracted Rob Ford after…

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UN Classifies Most-To-All Food Served at The Ex in Contravention of the Geneva Convention

August 27, 2013
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UN Classifies Most-To-All Food Served at The Ex in Contravention of the Geneva Convention

NEW YORK, NY (TheBadgerCA) – The United Nations is condemning Canada for what it calls “a devastating attack on its own people” with casualties numbering in the hundreds following what some are calling “biological warfare” in contravention of the Geneva Convention which bans the use of chemical and biological weapons. Deputy Secretary-General Jan Eliasson was…

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Const. James Forcillo Welcomes New Career as Alcoholic Private Eye

August 19, 2013
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Const. James Forcillo Welcomes New Career as Alcoholic Private Eye

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – With today’s decision by Toronto’s SIU to charge Constable James Forcillo with second-degree murder in the shooting of Sammy Yatim, focus on Forcillo was intense. The six-year veteran is charged with shooting of 18-year old Yatim on an empty Toronto streetcar. Even with the pending court case, Forcillo remained upbeat. “Obviously…

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