Canadian News

Sun News Network Fate Would Have Been Different if CRTC Stoners Hadn’t Tripped Over Their Sandals With Decision

August 8, 2013
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Sun News Network Fate Would Have Been Different if CRTC Stoners Hadn’t Tripped Over Their Sandals With Decision

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Defenders of truth-based television channel Sun News Network released a statement today that the fate of their station would have been completely reversed if “the dope smoking Left-wingers at the CRTC hadn’t slowpoked the decision after tripping over their Birkenstock sandals. The network’s petition for a guaranteed spot on basic cable…

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Alison Better Not Bring That Asshole Derek to the Cottage Again

June 28, 2013
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Alison Better Not Bring That Asshole Derek to the Cottage Again

ROSE LAKE, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Heading to a cottage on any weekend, let alone a long weekend, can be filled with tension. But sadly for a collection of cottagers in the Muskoka District, this Canada Day weekend brings with it the possibility of more tension other than those found on the highways. Mark Brewer, a…

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Calgary Flood Victim Returning To His Home Hopes Toronto Cousin Survived 12 Minute Blackout

June 25, 2013
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Calgary Flood Victim Returning To His Home Hopes Toronto Cousin Survived 12 Minute Blackout

OGDEN, ALBERTA (TheBadgerCA) – As Charles Lipping, 34 received word that he and his family could re-enter his home, he and his family who had been uprooted due to torrential flooding that caused thousands of dollars damage to his and other surrounding homes. As he surveyed the damage and attempted to gather his family’s now…

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Rob Ford Blames Low Council Attendance on Phone Being on Vibrate

June 13, 2013
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Rob Ford Blames Low Council Attendance on Phone Being on Vibrate

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Following today’s statement from Toronto mayor Rob Ford that he was left unaware of an 800 police officer drug raid today on his cable being out last night, Ford today stated that he was absent over the course of several city council meetings due to the fact that he “received no…

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StatsCan Finds Now is a Horrible Time to be a Fat, Rich, White Male Politician

May 28, 2013
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StatsCan Finds Now is a Horrible Time to be a Fat, Rich, White Male Politician

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Statistics Canada released figures today that in today’s current political environment, specifically May of 2013, is the worst time to be a “fat, rich, white male politician”. Martin Coulier, Director of Statistical Analysis for the Ministry, stated that based on some key elements of data, at no other time in Canada’s…

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Local Boob Lies to Several

May 24, 2013
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Local Boob Lies to Several

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Armed with a grin that sources are describing as “shit-eating”, local boob, verified liar, convicted possessor of drugs, impaired driver and violent drunk Rob Ford addressed a crowd of reporters to answer to allegations that he had smoked crack. After showing the steel of his convictions and his ability to address…

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Toronto Mayor Ford: “Seriously, What The Hell Do I Have To Do To Get Fired?”

May 17, 2013
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Toronto Mayor Ford: “Seriously, What The Hell Do I Have To Do To Get Fired?”

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – After a hectic day spent by Toronto’s mayor Rob Ford, Ford reached out to the assembled press in an impromptu press conference at City Hall. Visibly exhausted from a day that included the mayor at a PFLAG flag raising ceremony, it is not the assembled pomp and circumstance of the LGBT…

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Old Man Figures Out How Internet Works

May 2, 2013
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Old Man Figures Out How Internet Works

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Local old man Brian Burke has recently discovered how the Internet works when he filed a defamation lawsuit against an internet troll, or whatever the hell they’re called. The internet posters allege that Burke had an affair with sportscaster Hazel Mae, and had a kid with her or some utter bullshit…

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Latest Conservative Attack Ad Labels Justin Trudeau as ‘Heartless Conservative’

April 22, 2013
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Latest Conservative Attack Ad Labels Justin Trudeau as ‘Heartless Conservative’

OTTAWA, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Canada’s Conservative Party have regrouped and come out swinging in a new series of attack ads against the newly appointed leader of the Liberal party, Justin Trudeau. With the negative response to the original attack ads that lambasted Trudeau for removing his shirt at a fundraiser for the Canadian Liver Foundation,…

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Doug Ford Eyes Provincial Position Having Run Out of People to Bully in Toronto

April 3, 2013
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Doug Ford Eyes Provincial Position Having Run Out of People to Bully in Toronto

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Toronto councilor and brother to the mayor Doug Ford announced today that were an election called today, he would run for the provincial Conservative leadership. The Ford brothers, no strangers to controversy but very distant from political process, have made their mark on the Ontario capital and Ford feels he has…

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