Canadian News

Local Christmas Shopper Busy Convincing Himself Girlfriend Will Want Season One of ‘Battlestar Galactica’

December 21, 2012
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Local Christmas Shopper Busy Convincing Himself Girlfriend Will Want Season One of ‘Battlestar Galactica’

CALGARY, AB (TheBadgerCA) – As time ticked away for Christmas shoppers, Dan Legaro, 37, stood motionless in front of a shelf of Blu-Rays today at a local Best Buy trying desperately to convince himself that his girlfriend would enjoy his purchase of Season One of the remake of “Battlestar Galactica”. In a desperate play to…

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Local Mayan Not Looking Forward to the Office Today

December 21, 2012
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Local Mayan Not Looking Forward to the Office Today

VANCOUVER, BC (TheBadgerCA) – With the Mayan prophecy now proved to be inaccurate, the immediate future is not so rosy for some.  Arlo Nuñez, 33, a project manager at the Entrix IT consulting firm is not looking forward to his arrival at the office today.  It was accidentally revealed at last year’s office Christmas party…

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Gay Float Organizers Blame ‘Totally Getting the Date Wrong’ for Santa Claus Parade Entry

November 19, 2012
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Gay Float Organizers Blame ‘Totally Getting the Date Wrong’ for Santa Claus Parade Entry

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – David Connor, organizer of the solo gay float in this year’s Santa Claus parade blames his lack of organization and “totally getting the date wrong” for the stir that was caused during this year’s parade. “So, it looks like I was a few weeks off.  Months actually, but dates have never…

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Police Issue ‘Movember’ Warning

November 1, 2012
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Police Issue ‘Movember’ Warning

While November 1st marks the beginning of ‘Movember,’ an embarrassing month-long effort by some men to raise awareness for prostate cancer by growing mustaches, police are reminding the public about the dangers associated with this creepy facial hair. “As soon as men start growing so-called “Movember” mustaches, we see a sharp increase in violent crimes,…

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Toronto Maple Leafs Happy with Undefeated Season

October 26, 2012
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Toronto Maple Leafs Happy with Undefeated Season

TORONTO (TheBadgerCA) – Today, a smile crept across the face of Brian Burke, General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  A quick glance at the paper told him that so far this year, the Leafs have not registered a single loss so far.  Burke was beside himself with joy. “To be this far into October,…

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Ontario Premier Resigns Proroguing the Government, Whatever the Hell That Means

October 16, 2012
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Ontario Premier Resigns Proroguing the Government, Whatever the Hell That Means

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – In a move that shocked Ontarians and provincial politicians alike, Premier Dalton McGuinty announced he would be stepping down as leader of the Ontario Liberal Party leader which is a move that prorogues the Ontario government, whatever the hell may mean. By stepping down as leader and sitting premier of the…

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Canada Orders Beefeater Gin Off Shelves Amid E. Coli Scare

October 5, 2012
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Canada Orders Beefeater Gin Off Shelves Amid E. Coli Scare

In a move of extraordinary caution amid a nationwide E. coli outbreak in meat products, Canada’s Agriculture Minister Gerry Ritz has ordered all bottles of Beefeater Gin to be removed from the shelves and stockrooms of all stores, effective immediately. Facing a grilling from opposition and the public, Ritz, a known gin drinker, explained, “It’s…

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