Health

WHO Warn of 250% Increase in Vegetarian and Vegan Smugness

October 26, 2015
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WHO Warn of 250% Increase in Vegetarian and Vegan Smugness

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND (TheBadgerCA) – Close on the heels of the World Health Organization’s announcement that both red and processed meats have been linked to cancer, they also today warned that there will be an over 250% increase in sanctimony and smugness expected from the vegetarian and vegan communities with almost immediate effect. Elainne deGraff, chief…

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Parents Protesting New Sex-Ed Curriculum Also Against Teaching of Internet in Computer Class

September 9, 2015
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Parents Protesting New Sex-Ed Curriculum Also Against Teaching of Internet in Computer Class

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Parents of children at a local public school protesting Ontario’s new sex-ed curriculum which teaches topics like sexting, Internet pornography and consent. have added a new target for their ire. Not content with a curriculum that teaches how to handle ever-fast growing technology and sexuality, angry parents demanded that the Information…

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Local Hipster Contracted Ebola, Like, So Last Year

October 31, 2014
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Oct 14, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – With the world in a state of panic, local hipster Brendan Pallson, 28, has become the first known contractor of the Ebola virus in Toronto. What is worse is that Pallson has stated that he contracted the virus at least 12 months ago and is a survivor.…

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Police Issue ‘Movember’ Warning

November 1, 2012
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Police Issue ‘Movember’ Warning

While November 1st marks the beginning of ‘Movember,’ an embarrassing month-long effort by some men to raise awareness for prostate cancer by growing mustaches, police are reminding the public about the dangers associated with this creepy facial hair. “As soon as men start growing so-called “Movember” mustaches, we see a sharp increase in violent crimes,…

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Canada Orders Beefeater Gin Off Shelves Amid E. Coli Scare

October 5, 2012
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Canada Orders Beefeater Gin Off Shelves Amid E. Coli Scare

In a move of extraordinary caution amid a nationwide E. coli outbreak in meat products, Canada’s Agriculture Minister Gerry Ritz has ordered all bottles of Beefeater Gin to be removed from the shelves and stockrooms of all stores, effective immediately. Facing a grilling from opposition and the public, Ritz, a known gin drinker, explained, “It’s…

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