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Local News

Toronto Maple Leafs Developing New Aerodynamic ‘Throwing Jersey’

January 20, 2015
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Toronto Maple Leafs Developing New Aerodynamic ‘Throwing Jersey’

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Marketing team members at Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment (MLSE) are excited today with news that the Toronto Maple Leafs are coming forward with a new souvenir for Leaf fans. Sylvie Tepps, the Vice President of Merchandising for the Toronto hockey club, announced that the Leafs were coming up with a…

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Local Hipster Contracted Ebola, Like, So Last Year

October 31, 2014
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Oct 14, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – With the world in a state of panic, local hipster Brendan Pallson, 28, has become the first known contractor of the Ebola virus in Toronto. What is worse is that Pallson has stated that he contracted the virus at least 12 months ago and is a survivor.…

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Doug Ford Calling Debate a “Holocaust” Not Going Over Well With Some

October 31, 2014
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Doug Ford Calling Debate a “Holocaust” Not Going Over Well With Some

Oct 5, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – At a mayoral debate in Toronto on Sunday, many are seeking clarification from Doug Ford where he described the debate as an “utter holocaust”. The debate sponsored by the Centre for Israel and Jewish Afairs and the UJA Federation of Greater Toronto had many of Toronto’s Jewish…

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Cancer Devastated to Discover it has ‘Rob Ford’

October 31, 2014
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Sept 17, 2014 – TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – In a tearful statement today, the fatal disease Cancer revealed that it has, in fact, contracted Stage 3 ‘Rob Ford’. Cancer, who has had a myriad health issues for years, due to it being Cancer, had come to the conclusion that it had contracted Rob Ford after…

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UN Classifies Most-To-All Food Served at The Ex in Contravention of the Geneva Convention

August 27, 2013
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UN Classifies Most-To-All Food Served at The Ex in Contravention of the Geneva Convention

NEW YORK, NY (TheBadgerCA) – The United Nations is condemning Canada for what it calls “a devastating attack on its own people” with casualties numbering in the hundreds following what some are calling “biological warfare” in contravention of the Geneva Convention which bans the use of chemical and biological weapons. Deputy Secretary-General Jan Eliasson was…

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Const. James Forcillo Welcomes New Career as Alcoholic Private Eye

August 19, 2013
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Const. James Forcillo Welcomes New Career as Alcoholic Private Eye

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – With today’s decision by Toronto’s SIU to charge Constable James Forcillo with second-degree murder in the shooting of Sammy Yatim, focus on Forcillo was intense. The six-year veteran is charged with shooting of 18-year old Yatim on an empty Toronto streetcar. Even with the pending court case, Forcillo remained upbeat. “Obviously…

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Sun News Network Fate Would Have Been Different if CRTC Stoners Hadn’t Tripped Over Their Sandals With Decision

August 8, 2013
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Sun News Network Fate Would Have Been Different if CRTC Stoners Hadn’t Tripped Over Their Sandals With Decision

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Defenders of truth-based television channel Sun News Network released a statement today that the fate of their station would have been completely reversed if “the dope smoking Left-wingers at the CRTC hadn’t slowpoked the decision after tripping over their Birkenstock sandals. The network’s petition for a guaranteed spot on basic cable…

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Alison Better Not Bring That Asshole Derek to the Cottage Again

June 28, 2013
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Alison Better Not Bring That Asshole Derek to the Cottage Again

ROSE LAKE, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Heading to a cottage on any weekend, let alone a long weekend, can be filled with tension. But sadly for a collection of cottagers in the Muskoka District, this Canada Day weekend brings with it the possibility of more tension other than those found on the highways. Mark Brewer, a…

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Calgary Flood Victim Returning To His Home Hopes Toronto Cousin Survived 12 Minute Blackout

June 25, 2013
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Calgary Flood Victim Returning To His Home Hopes Toronto Cousin Survived 12 Minute Blackout

OGDEN, ALBERTA (TheBadgerCA) – As Charles Lipping, 34 received word that he and his family could re-enter his home, he and his family who had been uprooted due to torrential flooding that caused thousands of dollars damage to his and other surrounding homes. As he surveyed the damage and attempted to gather his family’s now…

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Rob Ford Blames Low Council Attendance on Phone Being on Vibrate

June 13, 2013
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Rob Ford Blames Low Council Attendance on Phone Being on Vibrate

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Following today’s statement from Toronto mayor Rob Ford that he was left unaware of an 800 police officer drug raid today on his cable being out last night, Ford today stated that he was absent over the course of several city council meetings due to the fact that he “received no…

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