Local News

Local News

Local Atheist-Vegan Can’t Decide How to Monopolize Conversation

June 7, 2013
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Local Atheist-Vegan Can’t Decide How to Monopolize Conversation

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Following a hectic week at work, it is not uncommon for many to partake in an early-evening Friday drink with co-workers to commiserate and discuss the week that was over a cold beverage. Employees of a local 3D animation software company did just that this past Friday at nearby watering hole…

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StatsCan Finds Now is a Horrible Time to be a Fat, Rich, White Male Politician

May 28, 2013
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StatsCan Finds Now is a Horrible Time to be a Fat, Rich, White Male Politician

OTTAWA, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Statistics Canada released figures today that in today’s current political environment, specifically May of 2013, is the worst time to be a “fat, rich, white male politician”. Martin Coulier, Director of Statistical Analysis for the Ministry, stated that based on some key elements of data, at no other time in Canada’s…

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Local Boob Lies to Several

May 24, 2013
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Local Boob Lies to Several

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Armed with a grin that sources are describing as “shit-eating”, local boob, verified liar, convicted possessor of drugs, impaired driver and violent drunk Rob Ford addressed a crowd of reporters to answer to allegations that he had smoked crack. After showing the steel of his convictions and his ability to address…

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Toronto Mayor Ford: “Seriously, What The Hell Do I Have To Do To Get Fired?”

May 17, 2013
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Toronto Mayor Ford: “Seriously, What The Hell Do I Have To Do To Get Fired?”

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – After a hectic day spent by Toronto’s mayor Rob Ford, Ford reached out to the assembled press in an impromptu press conference at City Hall. Visibly exhausted from a day that included the mayor at a PFLAG flag raising ceremony, it is not the assembled pomp and circumstance of the LGBT…

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Rob Ford Defies Critics of his City Hall Absenteeism, Shows Up for ‘Cake Day’

May 3, 2013
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Rob Ford Defies Critics of his City Hall Absenteeism, Shows Up for ‘Cake Day’

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – There have been many critics of Toronto mayor Rob Ford and his attendance record at City Hall. Some estimations have the mayor only at city hall at most 50% of the time with some stipulating the mayor actually maintains a 70% absenteeism rate during the work week. These critics were silenced…

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Old Man Figures Out How Internet Works

May 2, 2013
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Old Man Figures Out How Internet Works

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Local old man Brian Burke has recently discovered how the Internet works when he filed a defamation lawsuit against an internet troll, or whatever the hell they’re called. The internet posters allege that Burke had an affair with sportscaster Hazel Mae, and had a kid with her or some utter bullshit…

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Doug Ford Eyes Provincial Position Having Run Out of People to Bully in Toronto

April 3, 2013
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Doug Ford Eyes Provincial Position Having Run Out of People to Bully in Toronto

TORONTO, CANADA (TheBadgerCA) – Toronto councilor and brother to the mayor Doug Ford announced today that were an election called today, he would run for the provincial Conservative leadership. The Ford brothers, no strangers to controversy but very distant from political process, have made their mark on the Ontario capital and Ford feels he has…

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Local Gay Male Not Big on Gay Marriage Anymore Following Call to Parents

March 28, 2013
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Local Gay Male Not Big on Gay Marriage Anymore Following Call to Parents

ATLANTA, GA (TheBadgerCA) – Kyle Farther is a 34 year old gay male that works as an assistant manager at a local Wells Fargo bank. He and his partner Benjamin Tooley share a well appointed apartment in Virginia Highlands. The couple used to attend rallies and hand out flyers in support of constitutional change allowing…

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Toronto Mayor’s Wife Renata Ford Quietly Bakes Cookies

March 26, 2013
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TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – On the face of it, it appears to be a normal day in the Ford house. As allegations abound regarding Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s alleged ejection from the Garrison Ball fundraising gala, Renata Ford, wife of the mayor, sits quietly in her well-appointed kitchen in her Etobicoke home as the aromas…

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Racist Toronto Zoo Grizzly Bears Worried of Pandas’ Impact on Habitat Resale Values

March 25, 2013
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Racist Toronto Zoo Grizzly Bears Worried of Pandas’ Impact on Habitat Resale Values

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Most Toronto residents are looking forward to the arrival of two panda bears, Da Mao and Er Shun that will soon be making their home at the Toronto Zoo. The bears even received a ceremonial welcome from Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, bidding them a fond reception. Most Toronto residents are…

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