World News

World News

Obama in Address to Nation, ‘I Cannot Catch a Fucking Break This Week’

April 19, 2013
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Obama in Address to Nation, ‘I Cannot Catch a Fucking Break This Week’

WASHINGTON, DC (TheBadgerCA) – A bombing at the Boston marathon has culminated in a city-wide lockdown as police attempt to capture suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. If that were not bad enough, the Senate shut down any chance of having increased screening for gun purchases in the United States. All of these things came together for what…

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North Korea’s Nuclear Fire Power Revealed to be Stack of Microwave Ovens Left Outside a Pyongyang Best Buy

April 12, 2013
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North Korea’s Nuclear Fire Power Revealed to be Stack of Microwave Ovens Left Outside a Pyongyang Best Buy

PYONGYANG, N. KOREA (TheBadgerCA) – Fears regarding the alleged nuclear weapon stockpile purported to be amassed in North Korea have been assuaged slightly.  Today it was revealed by covert photos that the “nuclear fire power” that dictator Kim Jong Un has boasted to be in possession of are in fact a total of 49 microwave…

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Gene Siskel Eager to Take Ebert to Task Over “Stepmom” Review After 14 Years

April 4, 2013
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Gene Siskel Eager to Take Ebert to Task Over “Stepmom” Review After 14 Years

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN (TheBadgerCA) – After a 14 year wait, Gene Siskel is anticipating the arrival of his former workmate Roger Ebert so that he can take him to task on his panning of “Stepmom”, describing it as a mistake as epic as Ebert’s review of the Vietnam war epic “Full Metal Jacket”. Sitting beside…

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Local Gay Male Not Big on Gay Marriage Anymore Following Call to Parents

March 28, 2013
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Local Gay Male Not Big on Gay Marriage Anymore Following Call to Parents

ATLANTA, GA (TheBadgerCA) – Kyle Farther is a 34 year old gay male that works as an assistant manager at a local Wells Fargo bank. He and his partner Benjamin Tooley share a well appointed apartment in Virginia Highlands. The couple used to attend rallies and hand out flyers in support of constitutional change allowing…

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Racist Toronto Zoo Grizzly Bears Worried of Pandas’ Impact on Habitat Resale Values

March 25, 2013
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Racist Toronto Zoo Grizzly Bears Worried of Pandas’ Impact on Habitat Resale Values

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Most Toronto residents are looking forward to the arrival of two panda bears, Da Mao and Er Shun that will soon be making their home at the Toronto Zoo. The bears even received a ceremonial welcome from Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, bidding them a fond reception. Most Toronto residents are…

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Catholics Worldwide Utter ‘Who The Hell Is That?’ for the Second Time in Eight Years

March 13, 2013
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Catholics Worldwide Utter ‘Who The Hell Is That?’ for the Second Time in Eight Years

VATICAN CITY (TheBadgerCA) – For the second time since 2005 when it all happened before, Roman Catholics crowded St. Peter’s Square and huddled around TVs as the white smoke billowed from the Vatican indicating the collection of Cardinals in the Conclave had finally settled on a new Pope. As Argentinean Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio stepped…

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Steadfast Jehovah’s Witnesses Aren’t Announcing a New Stinking Anything

March 12, 2013
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Steadfast Jehovah’s Witnesses Aren’t Announcing a New Stinking Anything

BROOKLYN, NY (TheBadgerCA) – With the quest for a new leader of the Catholic Church in full swing and all eyes on The Vatican as a new Pope is being selected, other mainstream religions are feeling the neglect of attention and appear to be ignored. David Splane, member of the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses…

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Vatican Swag: A Look Inside the Papal Conclave Gift Bag

March 12, 2013
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Vatican Swag: A Look Inside the Papal Conclave Gift Bag

‘Pontiff Idol’ is officially underway in Vatican. The College of Cardinals has begun the process of picking a new leader of the perverse Catholic Church, the biggest cult in the world. Only one cardinal will finish the papal conclave wearing the big pointy hat of honour. But that doesn’t mean the losing clergymen will go…

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DAY 1: ‘Pontiff Idol’ Preliminaries

March 4, 2013
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DAY 1: ‘Pontiff Idol’ Preliminaries

VATICAN CITY (@TheBadger) – Over 100 Catholic cardinals are meeting in the Vatican to decide when the College of Cardinals will select a successor to Pope Benedict XVI, who stepped down as head of the hypocritical institution last week. On the first day of the pre-conclave session, the red-capped male virgins were unable to choose…

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Hacked Burger King Twitter Account Announces New ‘Penis Fries’

February 18, 2013
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Hacked Burger King Twitter Account Announces New ‘Penis Fries’

MIAMA, FL (TheBadger.CA) – Thousands of followers of the official @BurgerKing Twitter account that was hacked today were elated to discover that the hamburger franchise would be introducing a new menu item. The new dish, called “Penis Fries”, is described to be like the regular fries served by Burger King but cut into a phallus…

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