World News

World News

Santa Announces Syria Sanctions

December 20, 2012
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Santa Announces Syria Sanctions

OSLO (@TheBadgerCA) – In a break from his jolly holiday tradition, Santa Claus is adding his voice to the growing number of calls for an end to violence in Syria by announcing an unprecedented boycott. “The Assad regime and opposition rebels have been so, so naughty this year that Santa has been given no other…

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Starbucks Introduces $7 Cup of Coffee Due to Inability to Place Its Penis in Your Face

December 5, 2012
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Starbucks Introduces $7 Cup of Coffee Due to Inability to Place Its Penis in Your Face

SEATTLE, WA (TheBadgerCA) – This week Starbucks introduced its new coffee Geisha, a rare Costa Rican coffee that costs $40 per half-pound.  To the consumer, this will translate to approximately $7.00 for a 16-ounce cup. Ken Meier, Vice-President of Global Marketing for Starbucks explained the company’s desire and direction to bring forward the expensive coffee…

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World Overjoyed by Pope’s First Tweet

December 4, 2012
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World Overjoyed by Pope’s First Tweet

VATICAN CITY (TheBadgerCA) – Followers around the world anxiously awaiting the first tweet from the new Twitter user Pope Benedict XVI finally had their waiting pay off today as the Pope took to the internet and released his first tweet. Cardinal Jorge Estévez was at the Pope’s side witnessing this historic event. “His Holiness had…

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Donald Trump Offers $5000 for Name of “Piece of Shit” Glazier

November 22, 2012
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Donald Trump Offers $5000 for Name of “Piece of Shit” Glazier

TORONTO, ON (TheBadgerCA) – Amid his investors filing a multi-million dollar lawsuit against him, Donald Trump today lashed out to the community in a press conference early today.  Citing several windows that fell from his Toronto Trump Tower property, Trump screamed at the gathered press stating, “I’m offering $5000 to anyone that can provide the…

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MLB Sends Pitching Scouts to Gaza

November 20, 2012
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MLB Sends Pitching Scouts to Gaza

In anticipation of an Israeli ground incursion into Gaza, some of Major League Baseball’s franchise owners have announced they have sent their top scouts to the region to look for the next great pitching talent. “Have you seen some of these Palestinian kids hurl rocks at Israeli tanks? They’ve got unbelievable arms. I clocked one…

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Disney to Produce New “’Please Sign This Release’ Elmo’”

November 13, 2012
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BURBANK, CA (TheBadgerCA) – The Disney Corporation announced today that they would be adding to their Muppets toy line with the new “Please Sign This Release” Elmo doll.  The doll, due out at the end of November in time for Christmas, is said to provide the same enjoyment for children that previous Elmo dolls has…

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Several of Romney’s Hastily Penned Concession Speech Drafts Honest, Profane

November 8, 2012
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Several of Romney’s Hastily Penned Concession Speech Drafts Honest, Profane

BOSTON, MA (TheBadgerCA) – Leading up to last night’s defeat to President Barack Obama, Republican candidate Mitt Romney announced that he had only written a victory speech and had nothing prepared in the event that he lost.  Found on the losing side last night, Romney delayed his concession, scrambling with aides frantically to create a…

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SPHINCTERS LOOSEN!!!

November 7, 2012
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SPHINCTERS LOOSEN!!!

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Local Morning DJ Cannot Wait to Do ‘Erection Day’ Material

November 6, 2012
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COLUMBUS, OH (TheBadgerCA) – Local radio host Danny Bamber, half of the morning radio show “Big Dan and the Skunk” reported today off-air that he is very excited about today’s US election and his ability to bring out material specific to today.  Says Bamber, “Yeah, this day only comes once every four years, so it’s…

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The Badger Endorses Mitt Romney for President of the United States

November 5, 2012
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The Badger Endorses Mitt Romney for President of the United States

As the final day of campaigning draws to an end, the editors of this publication are proud to announce our unwavering support for the man who deserves to be the next president of the United States of America, Mitt Romney. Although history has shown that no Republican candidate has ever defeated a black rival, Mr.…

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